George Carlin

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With nearly 20 albums, two Grammys, two Cable ACE awards, and more HBO specials sunder his belt than anyone else, George Carlin is more popular than ever. Now, for the first time, Carlin has produced a book of original humor pieces, Brain Droppings. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiousities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny. Also included are two timeless bonus items from the past, "A Place for Your Stuff" and "Baseball-Football." Readers will get an inside look into Carlin's mind, and they won't be disappointed by what they find: I buy stamps by mail. It works OK until I run out of stamps. What year did Jesus Christ think it was? A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. Have you ever noticed the lawyer is always smiling more than the client? I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. If you ever have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?

As one of America's preeminent comedic voices, George Carlin saw it all throughout his extraordinary fifty-year career and made fun of most of it. Last Words is the story of the man behind some of the most seminal comedy of the last half century, blending his signature acer-bic humor with never-before-told stories from his own life. In 1993 George Carlin asked his friend and bestselling author Tony Hendra to help him write his autobiography. For almost fifteen years, in scores of conversations, many of them recorded, the two discussed Carlin's life, times, and evolution as a major artist. When Carlin died at age seventy-one in June 2008 with the book still unpublished, Hendra set out to assemble it as his friend would have wanted. Last Words is the result, the rollicking, wrenching story of Carlin's life from birth -- literally -- to his final years, as well as a parting gift of laughter to the world of comedy he helped create. George Carlin's journey to stardom began in the rough-and-tumble neighborhood of New York's Upper West Side in the 1940s, where class and culture wars planted the seeds for some of his best known material, including the notorious "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television." His early conflicts, his long struggle with substance abuse, his turbulent relationships with his family, and his triumphs over catastrophic setbacks all fueled the unique comedic worldview he brought to the stage. From the heights of stardom to the low points few knew about, Last Words is told with the same razor-sharp honesty that made Carlin one of the best loved comedians in American history.

He's back! In a voice more cantankerous and comically pungent than ever, George Carlin spouts off on everything from British royalty ("A Day in the Life of Henry VIII") to auto racing ("Sports Should Be Fixed") to American politics ("Don't Blame the Leaders"). With his manic mind and motor mouth in high gear, he rants against anyone who tells him to "have a nice day" and skewers the euphemism epidemic ("To be honest, some of this language makes me want to vomit. Well, perhaps 'vomit' is too strong a word. It makes me want to engage in a involuntary personal protein spill"). When Carlin's in a more reflective mood, he reveals, "I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it," and ponders the really big questions, like "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?" and "Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? "What his candid take on "life's little moments" lacks in political correctness, it more than makes up for in gut-busting laughs. He's the guy who dares say what the rest of us hesitate even to think. And he does so in ways that are often raunchy and always riotous.

I THINK I AM, THEREFORE I AM. I THINK. In Napalm & Silly Putty, George Carlin, the thinking person's comic, offers a hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations on God, language, death, pets, driving, food, sports, airplanes, advertising, news, businessmen, and much, much more! * Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. * If people climb Mt. Everest because it's hard to do, why do they go up on the easy side? * With a little effort, oxen can be trained to genuflect and whistle softly in the moonlight. * How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that its a spy satellite? * If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance. * Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore. * No one quite knows what's next, but everybody does it. * I think it would be great if you could make a guy's head explode just by staring at him. * Am I the only one who's noticed that the Lone Ranger and Tonto never got their laundry done? You'll learn what Carlin thinks of saving the planet, his suggestion for revamping the prison system, and why he prays to Joe Pesci. Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistible assortment of quips, probes, thrusts, and verbal ordeals that are as smart as they are infectiously funny.

Now in paperback, the New York Times bestseller that takes readers on a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premier comics George Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display in When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence in his third national bestseller. Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Clichs; Euphemisms: 13 sections) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin delivers everything that his fans expect, and then adds a few surprises. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.