The Harvard Lampoon

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight. Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive? Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

Sometimes childish, sometimes rude, always clever and always very, very funny, this book has delighted most, and outraged a few, Tolkien fans in the US for more than40 years. Pulling in references to popular culture and fantasy literature as a whole, this is a killingly effective parody of THE LORD OF THE RINGS. From the dreary Goddamn (Gollum) to the feckless Arrowroot (Aragorn), the bungling Goodgulf (Gandalf) to the timid, mean-minded boggies Frito (Frodo) and Dildo (Bilbo), no character is safe. Fleeing the Nozdrul, bored by acid-casualty Tim Benzedrine and harassed throughout by the minions of Sorhed, the fellowship move through a Middle Earth like no other. Short, sharp and very much to the point, even Tolkien would be hard-pressed to surpress a giggle at BORED OF THE RINGS.

First published in 1969, the New York Times bestseller Bored of the Rings is back—and just in time for the major motion picture release of The Hobbit . This classic parody of J.R.R. Tolkien’s fictional universe is a timeless comedic masterpiece. The classic parody of The Lord of the Rings is back! With a brand-new “boreword” by Henry Beard. The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring. The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing. If broken or busted, it cannot be remade If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid). It’s up to Boggie Frito Bugger and his band of misfits—including inept wizard Goodgulf Grayteeth, halfwit Spam Gangree, twins Moxie and Pepsi, and Arrowroot of Arrowshirt—to carry the Great Ring to Fordor and cast it into the Zazu Pits. Can they avoid death by hickey tree and escape the dread ballhog? Can the fellowship overcome the narcs and Nozdruls hounding their every move and save Lower Middle Earth once and for all? Yes, of course—this isn’t Hamlet, you know.

Brodo è un piccolo eroe peloso e pavido. Spinto (o forse costretto)dal mago Gondolf, ha deciso di imbarcarsi in un'avventurosa missione per liberare la Terra di Tramezzo dalle forze del male comandate dal mago Saluman e dall'irascibile Salmon. Ad aiutarlo nell'impresa ci saranno il suo fedele amico Spam, il nobile re Aragost,l'elfo Lerciolas,il fidato Borotalc e il nano Girmit. Pellicani bombardieri, lascive fanciulle elfe, pericolose piante che baciano sino alla morte gli incauti viandanti completano questa parodia de "Il Signore degli Anelli".

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight. Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive? Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

"Sobre três coisas eu estava absolutamente certa. Primeira, Edwart talvez fosse, muito provavelmente, minha alma gêmea. Segunda, existia uma parte do vampiro dentro dele - que eu presumia que estivesse completamente fora de seu controle - que queria me ver morta. E terceira, eu incondicionalmente, irrevogavelmente, impenetravelmente, heterogeneamente e ginecologicamente desejava que ele tivesse me beijado." Você provavelmente já leu algo muito parecido com a declaração acima e pode estar pensando que se trata de um plágio, ou uma mera coincidência, mas não é nada disso. Ela resume a premissa do livro Opúsculo - a paródia, escrito pela revista de humor The Harvard Lampoon. Opúsculo é uma hilariante paródia do Crepúsculo, de Stephenie Meyer, e conta a história de amor de Belle Goose e o misterioso e brilhante Edwart Mullen, Belle é uma garota pálida e desajeitada que chega a cidade de Switchblade, Oregon, buscando aventura, ou pelo menos um colega de classe imortal. Após testemunhar uma série de eventos estranhos - Edwart deixa suas batatas fritas intocadas no almoço! Edwart a salva de uma bola de neve voadora! - Belle tem uma dramática revelação: Edwart, um geek com interesse zero em garotas, é na verdade um vampiro, pelo qual ela está completamente apaixonada. Surge então o dilema: como ela poderia convencê-lo a mordê-la e assim transformá-la em sua noiva eterna, já que ele parece achar todas as garotas tão repulsivas? Cheio de romance, perigo, insuficiente proteção paternal, arrepiante comportamento de caçador compulsivo e com um baile de formatura de vampiro, Opúsculo é um conto tumultuado sobre uma garota obcecada por vampiros, que busca o amor em todos os lugares errados.

The hilarious instant New York Times bestseller, The Hunger Pains is a loving parody of the dystopian YA novel and film, The Hunger Games . Winning means wealth, fame, and a life of therapy losing means death, but also fame! This is The Hunger Pains . When Kantkiss Neverclean replaces her sister as a contestant on the Hunger Games —the second-highest-rated reality TV show in Peaceland, behind Extreme Home Makeover —she has no idea what to expect. Having lived her entire life in the telemarketing district’s worst neighborhood, the Crack, Kantkiss feels unprepared to fight to the death while simultaneously winking and looking adorable for the cameras. But when her survival rests on choosing between the dreamy hunk from home, Carol Handsomestein, or the doughy klutz, Pita Malarkey, Kantkiss discovers that the toughest conflicts may not be found on the battlefield but in her own heart . . . which is unfortunately on a battlefield.