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Rule #1: They can't speak. Rule #2: They can't move. Rule #3: They can't hurt you. Ezra Friedman sees ghosts, which made growing up in a funeral home a bit complicated. It might have been easier if his grandfather’s ghost didn’t give him such scathing looks of disapproval as he went through a second, HRT-induced puberty, or if he didn't have the pressure of all those relatives—living and dead—judging every choice he makes. It’s no wonder that Ezra runs as far away from the family business as humanly possible. But when the floor of his dream job drops out from under him and his mother uses the family Passover seder to tell everyone that she’s running away with the rabbi’s wife, Ezra finds himself back in the thick of it. With his parents’ marriage imploding and the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel on the brink of financial ruin, Ezra agrees to step into his mother's shoes and help out . . . which means long days surrounded by ghosts that no one else can see. And then there's his unfortunate crush on Jonathan, the handsome funeral home volunteer who just happens to live downstairs from Ezra's new apartment . . . and the appearance of the ghost of Jonathan's gone-too-soon husband, Ben, who is breaking every spectral rule Ezra knows. Because Ben can speak. He can move. And as Ezra tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, he quickly realizes that there's more than one way to be haunted—and more than one way to become a ghost.
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0 04.5/5. Review to come4.5/5. Releases 8/20/24.
vibes: light magic, love after loss, complex families, and waking up into life
Heat Index: 5/10
Ezra has largely disconnected from his family’s funeral home–in part because he sees ghosts, and hasn’t loved his grandfather’s spirit giving him disapproving glares as he’s transitioned. But when his mother announces that she’s leaving his father for the local rabbi’s wife, he’s forced to pitch in again. Which brings him into the orbit of the gentle, charming Jonathan… whose late husband appears to be the latest spectral entity haunting Ezra. Ben’s presence isn’t the only problem (though it certainly does cramp Ezra’s style). He also speaks. And moves. In other words–things ghosts aren’t supposed to do, and things that definitely cause issues as, slowly–against his own will–Ezra begins falling for Jonathan.
What a strong debut! In a lot of ways, this is as much a family story as it is a romance–the Friedmans are complicated (though, and I think this is important to point out… though they may be imperfect about it, they’re largely accepting of Ezra’s transition) and as the book goes on, you see how those complications have shaped Ezra and his worldview.
Which, in turn, shapes how he can’t quite trust his feelings for Jonathan, or Jonathan’s for him. Especially with the dead husband thing. But the paranormal elements of this book are soft, and really serve the character development more than anything else. This is a sweet, funny novel about waking up into your life after sleepwalking for a long time. It is, yes, also about grief and loss… and how life really doesn’t stop happening after they occur.
Quick Takes:
–Can I just say… a pseudo love triangle between a guy who sees ghosts, a widower, and the widower’s husband’s ghost? Brilliant. But it’s also not really a love triangle, is it? I loved how super real and honest this story was with the reality of losing a partner to death, rather than by choice. Will Jonathan ever stop loving Ben? Probably not. Does that diminish his feelings for Ezra? Nope.
And a lot of this novel does center on the complexities of love. Of how sometimes, it’s not enough. Of how it can end, or take another form. (One of Ezra’s close friends is his ex, which I found super interesting.) It’s really mature, but not in the manner that anyone acts perfect–they just naturally learn and go through these things together.
–There’s a good amount of focus on Ezra’s Jewish identity and how that fits into the funeral home, as well as his place in the family as a trans man. None of it comes off as an info dump, and at the same time, I (as someone who isn’t Jewish) never felt lost. That’s a tough balance to hit. Reading about the rituals was oddly soothing to me–I actually have a lot of anxiety about death, and I worried a bit about that as I opened the book. It was kind of perfect here.
–One really cool note: Ezra is a doula! There’s only one fully on the page birth scene, but it’s the kind you rarely find depicted in fiction. I super loved that detail.
–Jonathan and Ezra’s love story is both inevitable and bittersweet. Because as much as Jonathan still has one foot in the past as someone who lost his spouse… Ezra isn’t dissimilar. He also hasn’t fully come to terms with a lot of things–he hasn’t fully processed his transition (understandably) and there’s this huge reframe happening within his family. It’s kind of refreshing to see a book in which we see a lead really having to do some work before they can fully be true to not just themself, but their partner.
The Sex:
There’s one full sex scene in this one, and it’s both explicit and, I think, respectful of the insecurities Ezra still has about his body. (I also want to mention that, as far as I noticed, the author also made an effort to censor Ezra’s deadname. Which was super cool.) It’s romantic and tender and also hot? And it was real about Jonathan’s own new experiences, too. I kind of loved it.
In some ways, Rules for Ghosting is more about metaphorical than literal ghosts–even though there is a literal talking ghost. But more than anything, it’s about acceptance and honesty and coming to terms with who you are–and all the things you can’t necessarily do, even if you want to, until that happens.
Thanks to NetGalley and Dell for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
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