4.75 Stars

Content warnings include: Death of a grandparent. Stroke. Abducted, sexually assaulted, and murdered children. Murder. The Vietnam War. Child Abuse. Death of a parent. Addiction (alcohol, gambling & others). Depression. Attempted Suicide. Romancing Mental illness* see below.

On the romancing of mental illness for this book. Yes. The book heavily relies on Esther attempting to blame her family's mental illness on a fantastical curse on her family. The point of a story is all about progression and growth on the MC's part and I definitely think this book does a fantastic job of exploring Esther's mental health journey.

*Update 2/20/24) For some reason on this reread, what really hit for me was Esther's love for her family and the way she discussed loving people and their ability to love you back. It amazes me how as many times as I've read this book (seven times now?) the things that stand out for me change depending on what's going on in my life.

*Update (1/19/23) This is my no-less-than sixth reread of this one. Since last years re-read I lost my big sister to cancer. This book definitely hits different now. I still love it. It still makes me sob. It's still an all-time favorite (possibly THE all-time favorite). This book has helped me through so much. I'll never be able to thank Krystal enough for this one.

*Update (1/21/22) Just finished another re-read and damn this book just fucking HITS me every time. I literally just sat here in tears for the last half of the book. This book is so dark and yet whimsy at the same time. Honestly I don't think there are many writers that could have pulled this off. This is the one I scream from the rafters about, this is the hill I die on. I don't know why more people don't read this book, but they definitely should.

*Update (2/4/21) Is this my fourth or fifth re-read? I don't know. Honestly if you're not reading this book yet, what's wrong with you? It's amazing. There was something I noticed this time around that is a spoiler so don't read it if you don't want to know Esther talks at the end about how Horowitz has been leaving Orchids on her pillow to prepare her for her becoming the Girl Who Would Be Death, but in one of the flashbacks/stories it's mentioned that locks seem to fall open at Horowitz' touch, a skill he shares with Jonah. So now I'm over here wondering if he's actually trying to prepare her for Jonah becoming the next apprentice and not her.

*Update (2/23/20) Third re-read. God I love this book so much. I might have been sobbing by the end. I don't think I've done a good enough job in the past of talking about how dark this book can be. So yeah, it's dark and it hurts.

*Update (1/23/18) I've actually read this book twice this month. It is SO good.*

What an amazing way to start off a reading year!

The main thing you need to know about this book is that the writing style is a-effing-mazing! It's whimsy, quirky, and full of weird. I loved everything about Sutherland's writing style and the way this story came across the page.

Esther is a weirdo. She's okay with that, and so am I. Esther suffers from anxiety (and probably depression) but believes her fears are the result of a family curse rather than a mental illness.

Eugene, Esther's twin brother, is afraid of the dark. Scratch that. He's afraid of the things lurking in the dark that he KNOWS are out to get him. Eugene believes their entire family has an issue with mental illness, one they prefer to overlook and try to find easy fixes for.

Jonah. A thief with a heart of gold. Jonah has his own issues, but what he really wants to do is help Esther overcome her fears.

The plot in this is just so amazingly wackado, you do not even understand. BUT IT WORKS. It works so well. With the strangeness of the characters, the plot makes them all just fit into their roles so perfectly. I cannot express to you how much I love this book.

So here's the disclaimer, this book deals with depression, anxiety, suicide, self-harm, and death on some very DEEP levels so if those things trigger you, it's probably not the book for you. On the other hand, as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, the author did her homework. The descriptions were so on point it just made the story that much more real for me.

I don't say this often, in fact I don't know if I ever have before, but I have the urge to crack this baby back open and read it again. It was THAT good.