To start with, this is one of the most accurate and well-chosen titles I have seen for a book. It's relevant on multiple levels, which stood out to me more than book titles typically do.

Effy, our psychologically drowning main character, is the only female architecture student at a university that wouldn't accept her to the literature college, which was where she wanted to be, because "women dumb" basically. This reflects the themes of sexism and misogyny that Reid weaves throughout the book. Effy has a history of trauma, and she feels like she is drowning when triggers of this history cause dissociation.

It took me a little while to feel connected with Effy because I just felt like I wasn't really learning about who she is, but this improved as the book progressed. I think she is meant to be an unreliable narrator, and my quibble with that is that if you know the book is a fantasy and have read the book blurb, you know there are limits to how far her unreliability can extend. It would have been more suspenseful if I didn't know the genre going in. I also thought that she and Preston made a couple stupid decisions that couldn't fully be attributed to their age or their motivations, or perhaps the strengths of their motivations just needed to be further impressed upon readers.

Reid does a great job with the gothic element. Myrddin's manor is decaying and sits on the edge of a crumbling cliff. Ianto, Myrddin's son, is suitably creepy and possessive, which lends an edge of danger to Preston's and Effy's decisions. The references to things being wet, dripping, and dilapidated are very atmospheric.

While I get the sense that this book, and perhaps Ava Reid as an author, is a bit polarizing, I enjoyed it enough to try more of Ava Reid's novels.

my feelings are very mixed here. the atmosphere and overall idea were beautiful but the execution didn’t work for me. truthfully, I think a personal trigger with respect to abuse/power imbalance in an academic setting really affected my enjoyment of the book. this isn’t to say I don’t see the value of this particular storyline—it’s important representation and could very well be healing for many. but I probably wouldn’t have picked up the book if I’d known about it or may have appreciated being aware of some details in advance.

what I liked:
- the atmosphere: the gothic vibe and spooky setting were so enchanting
- the folklore: I loved the Fairy King folklore; it really added a great element of mystery and magic and I liked the variation in different characters’ beliefs
- the theme of survival: I appreciated that Effy was, overall, a runner rather than a fighter. it was nice to see a heroine so different from the typical warrior FMC we see in many fantasy novels/series
- unreliable narrator/Effy’s questioning of reality: I loved that Effy was constantly “seeing things” and trying to manage this. it really added to the spookiness of the atmosphere not knowing what was real and what wasn’t. it made the payoff of later reveals feel worthwhile.
- the theme of drowning: I liked all the references to various forms of drowning (or slow deaths) and how that was woven into the plot and characters’ backstories
- the theme of the treatment of women in academia: it was refreshing to see this touched upon and that Effy was fighting it in her own way. however this does play into some of my issues with the book…

what I didn’t like:
- the theme of the treatment of women (esp in academia) ventures into sexual abuse territory: Effy is the only woman in her university program and is taken advantage of by her academic advisor. word gets out and she’s massively slut-shamed. I recognize the importance of this representation, but as someone who is sensitive to this theme, I intentionally avoid it and likely would have passed on the book given the extent to which it’s covered in the story. this abuse infiltrates Effy’s psyche and rears its head when it comes to other characters in the book, rather than being touched on once. ultimately she perseveres and faces things, but the discomfort I felt through these scenes stuck with me. perhaps this is a failure on my part when it comes to checking trigger warnings. however, there wasn’t anything in the synopsis of this *young adult* novel that raised any flags or indicated this was something I should look for.
- the pacing: this felt slooooow. for me, it dragged and I struggled to feel motivated to pick it up. there were moments of higher tension, but I felt that that adrenaline often returned to baseline too quickly rather than being more of a steady ramp-up. the exception would be the very end of the book, but overall I felt the momentum was often lost.
- delayed reveals: I often felt confused when some details were half-revealed and think the story may have benefitted from revealing some background details a little earlier.
- the world building: I really wish this had a map. I felt so confused by the geography of the city and the two countries. while I understand the purpose of the two countries and north/south division of Llyr in setting up the characters’ folkloric beliefs/doubts, all the talk of war felt overall pointless and took away from the main storyline.
- I really just struggled to care: I didn’t find myself attached to the characters or their aims, so when things got dicey, I really wasn’t feeling much suspense or drive to keep reading.

so yeah. that’s my story and i’m sticking to it. the book was objectively beautifully written and the themes/storylines expertly woven. but I trudged through this and celebrated when I finally finished it.