Patricia Wants to Cuddle

Patricia Wants to Cuddle

Samantha Allen

Enjoyment: Quality: Characters: Plot:

The contestants of a reality television dating show compete for love—and their lives—in this pulse-pounding and viciously funny fiction debut from the GLAAD Award-winning author of Real Queer America. When the final four women in competition for an aloof, if somewhat sleazy, bachelor's heart arrive on a mysterious island in the Pacific Northwest, they mentally prepare themselves for another week of extreme sleep deprivation, invasive interviews, and of course, the salacious drama that viewers nationwide tune in to eagerly devour. Each woman came on 'The Catch' for her own reasons—brand sponsorships, followers, and yes, even love—and they've all got their eyes steadfastly trained on their respective prizes. Enter Patricia, a temperamental, but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island's tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they're to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they'll first have to survive the night. A whirlwind romp careening toward a last-girl-standing conclusion and a scathing indictment of contemporary American media culture, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is also a love story: between star-crossed lesbians who rise above their intolerant town, a deeply ambivalent woman and her budding self-actualization, and a chosen family of misfit islanders forging community against all odds.


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  • Enjoyment: Quality: Characters: Plot:

    Reject modernity, embrace lady Sasquatch.

    Seriously though this is essentially a slasher set in the pacific northwest during the filming of The Bachelor. So if that sounds fun this will be your vibe 100%.

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    So, uh, with all due respect: what the fuck did I just read?

    A big-breasted, Lesbian-loving sasquatch goes on a killing rampage, brutally murdering the air-headed contestants of a Bachelor-style reality show. There's commentary on consumer media, tokenism, religious hypocrisy and annoying born-agains, and of course how vapid Instagram - excuse me, "Glamstapix" - is making our society.

    It sounds like an unhinged good time, and it was? I think? I'm not sure I really "get" this one - I laughed, I saw the winks and the nods from the author, I got that the point of this is to be weird and quirky and satirical, but some parts didn't work for me.

    Warning: mild spoilers ahead

    We have a few plot points that lead nowhere and left me feeling like the story was unfinished. The beautiful letters between Kathy and Maggie - some of the most touching, sincere expressions of love I've read in a while - are sprinkled throughout the third act, but their story goes nowhere.
    We never get resolution on the missing hikers (maybe thats the point - I can infer they stayed on the island, wanting to disappear - like Renee) but also: why did the group of local women kill Casey?! Just for the hell of it?? Who were they?

    It was entertaining, it was half baked, it was satire. A good premise, a jaunt through witty prose, but ultimately, probably could have gone without.

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