Bella Mackie

I have killed several people (some brutally, others calmly) and yet I currently languish in jail for a murder I did not commit. When I think about what I actually did, I feel somewhat sad that nobody will ever know about the complex operation that I undertook. Getting away with it is highly preferable, of course, but perhaps when I’m long gone, someone will open an old safe and find this confession. The public would reel. After all, almost nobody else in the world can possibly understand how someone, by the tender age of 28, can have calmly killed six members of her family. And then happily got on with the rest of her life, never to regret a thing. When Grace Bernard discovers her absentee millionaire father has rejected her dying mother’s pleas for help, she vows revenge, and sets about to kill every member of his family. Readers have a front row seat as Grace picks off the family one by one – and the result is as and gruesome as it is entertaining in this wickedly dark romp about class, family, love… and murder. But then Grace is imprisoned for a murder she didn’t commit. Outrageously funny, compulsive and subversive, perfect for fans of Killing Eve and My Sister, the Serial Killer.

Divorced and struggling with deep-rooted mental health problems, Bella Mackie ended her twenties in tears. She could barely find the strength to get off the sofa, let alone piece her life back together. Until one day she did something she had never done of her own free will – she pulled on a pair of trainers and went for a run. That first attempt didn’t last very long. But to her surprise, she was back out there the next day. And the day after that. She began to set herself achievable goals – to run 5k in under 30 minutes, to walk to work every day for a week, to attempt 10 push-ups in a row. Before she knew it, her mood was lifting for the first time in years. In Jog On, Bella explains with hilarious and unfiltered honesty how she used running to battle crippling anxiety and depression, without having to sacrifice her main loves: booze, cigarettes and ice cream. With the help of a supporting cast of doctors, psychologists, sportspeople and friends, she shares a wealth of inspirational stories, research and tips that show how exercise often can be the best medicine. This funny, moving and motivational book will encourage you to say ‘jog on’ to your problems and get your life back on track – no matter how small those first steps may be.

One wealth-obsessed man – who is also dead. One status-obsessed woman – who is the perfect accessory. Their four inheritance-obsessed children – each with a killer instinct. And a murder-obsessed outsider looking to expose them all… Bella Mackie is back with a brilliantly funny and twisty mystery about dysfunctional families, awful rich people and true crime obsessives… and a murder or two, of course.

Os presentamos a Grace hija, hermana y asesina en serie. Grace lo ha perdido todo y no se detendrá ante nada para vengarse. Cuando Grace Bernard descubre que el padre millonario que la abandonó ha ignorado las llamadas de auxilio de su madre moribunda, jura venganza y se propone matar a todos los miembros de su acaudalada familia. Así que hace una lista de nombres y, decidida a tacharlos todos, se lanza en una misión despiadada para hacer justicia y, en el proceso, convertirse en la única heredera de la fortuna de los Artemis. Su plan es perfecto y confía en salirse con la suya sin mayores problemas, pero siempre hay variables que una no puede controlar... sobre todo cuando hablamos de matar.

Όταν η Γκρέις Μπέρναρντ ανακαλύπτει ότι ο απών εκατομμυριούχος πατέρας της έχει απορρίψει τις εκκλήσεις της ετοιμοθάνατης μητέρας της για βοήθεια, ορκίζεται εκδίκηση και ετοιμάζεται να σκοτώσει κάθε μέλος της οικογένειάς του. Οι αναγνώστες παρακολουθούν την Γκρέις καθώς διαλέγει τους συγγενείς της έναν προς έναν – και το αποτέλεσμα είναι τόσο φρικιαστικό όσο και διασκεδαστικό σε αυτή την ασεβή σκοτεινή φαρσοκωμωδία, που μιλάει για την αρχοντιά, την οικογένεια, την αγάπη… και τον φόνο. Στη συνέχεια όμως η Γκρέις φυλακίζεται για έναν φόνο που δεν διέπραξε. Έχω σκοτώσει πολλούς ανθρώπους (άλλους βάναυσα, άλλους ήρεμα) και όμως αυτή τη στιγμή βρίσκομαι στη φυλακή για έναν φόνο που δεν διέπραξα. [...] όταν σκέφτομαι τι πραγματικά έκανα, με πιάνει μια μικρή θλίψη επειδή κανείς δεν θα μάθει ποτέ τίποτα για το περίπλοκο εγχείρημα που έφερα εις πέρας. Το να μείνω ατιμώρητη είναι προτιμότερο φυσικά, αλλά ίσως, όταν θα έχω πια αποδημήσει από καιρό, κάποιος ανοίξει ένα παλιό χρηματοκιβώτιο και βρει αυτή την εξομολόγηση. Το κοινό θα παραληρούσε. Εξάλλου σχεδόν κανένας άλλος στον κόσμο δεν μπορεί να καταλάβει πώς κάποια στην τρυφερή ηλικία των είκοσι οχτώ ετών μπορεί να έχει σκοτώσει εν ψυχρώ έξι μέλη της οικογένειάς της. Και μετά συνέχισε χαρούμενη τη ζωή της χωρίς να μετανιώσει ποτέ για τίποτα.

Mi chiamo Grace Bernard e, con ogni probabilità, il mio nome non vi dice proprio niente. Nessuno mi conosce perché languisco dietro le sbarre per l'unico crimine che non ho commesso. Eppure, se devo dire la verità nient'altro che la verità, ho ucciso diverse persone, alcune in modo brutale, altre con maggior delicatezza - vale la pena specificarlo, perché fa un'enorme differenza agli occhi giudicanti della gente. Quando ripenso a ciò che ho fatto, avverto persino una punta di tristezza, giusto una fitta trascurabile, al pensiero che nessuno verrà mai a conoscenza del mio strabiliante piano. Un piano che ho architettato per anni, sacrificando tutto in nome della vendetta. Ora vi chiederete: perché ostinarsi a vuotare il sacco se la si può passare liscia? Avete ragione, la libertà non ha prezzo. Però non riesco a smettere di immaginare l'istante in cui, dopo la mia morte, qualcuno aprirà una cassaforte e troverà la mia confessione. Esatto, proprio questa che sto scrivendo nei pochi giorni che mi separano dalla libertà. Scommetto che quel qualcuno non potrà fare a meno di restare a bocca aperta e pensare a me con ammirazione. Perché chi sarà mai in grado di capire come una persona, a soli ventotto anni, possa aver ucciso a sangue freddo sei membri della sua famiglia per poi andare avanti come se niente fosse, senza neppure l'ombra di un rimpianto? Tagliente, onesto, graffiante, divertentissimo. "Come uccidere la tua famiglia" è tutto quello che non ti aspetti: una potente commedia nera, una satira bruciante sulle famiglie disfunzionali e sui privilegi di classe, nonché una critica feroce all'ossessione dei media per l'universo del crimine e alle falle di un sistema che non ammette deviazioni dalla norma.

Ik heb meerdere mensen vermoord (sommige op gruwelijke wijze, andere heel koelbloedig) en toch zit ik nu in de gevangenis voor een moord die ik níét heb gepleegd. Als ik bedenk wat ik écht heb gedaan, vind ik het stiekem jammer dat niemand ooit zal weten wat voor complexe klussen het waren. Ik hoop er natuurlijk ongestraft mee weg te komen, maar ik stel me graag voor dat iemand ooit, als ik er allang niet meer ben, een oude kluis opent en deze bekentenis vindt. Mensen zouden van hun stoel vallen. Er is per slot van rekening vrijwel niemand ter wereld die kan begrijpen hoe iemand van achtentwintig doodleuk zes familieleden kan hebben vermoord, om vervolgens, zonder ook maar een greintje spijt, vrolijk verder te gaan met haar leven.