Longstanding fear of mine is to be objectified by my love. To be a body for them. This book helped me see that what I actually might be feeling is so much attachment, familiarity, and trust in my partner that I cannot bear them embodying someone else, someone mysterious and unknown and transgressive.

I’m still processing much of what this book laid out, still parsing out what to take and what to leave.

She illuminates an interesting thought, “you seem to believe that’s it’s wrong to objectify someone you love… couples play with objectification as a way to superimpose otherness on a partner who’s become too familiar… you have to trust people a lot to let yourself forget them”.

Can I allow myself to forget the patriarchy for an hour to play with my partner? When I return to the real-world, will I loose my Marxist fellowship? Can I be both sexually liberated and also aware of the generational systems that keep feminine sexuality repressed and ostracized? At what point do women let go of their own grip on patriarchy? This grip I have is so tight I confuse it for control. How can I let go of this?

Dr Perel, you’ve both helped and completely added to my preoccupations!!