From the author of the novel, The Clasp, hailed by Michael Chabon, Heidi Julavits, and J. Courtney Sullivan. Wry, hilarious, and profoundly genuine, this debut collection of literary essays from Sloane Crosley is a celebration of fallibility and haplessness in all their glory. From despoiling an exhibit at the Natural History Museum to provoking the ire of her first boss to siccing the cops on her mysterious neighbor, Crosley can do no right despite the best of intentions -- or perhaps because of them. Together, these essays create a startlingly funny and revealing portrait of a complex and utterly recognizable character who aims for the stars but hits the ceiling, and the inimitable city that has helped shape who she is. I Was Told There'd Be Cake introduces a strikingly original voice, chronicling the struggles and unexpected beauty of modern urban life. The pony problem -- Christmas in July -- The ursula cookie -- Bring your machete to work day -- The good people of this dimension -- Bastard out of Westchester -- The beauty of strangers -- Fuck you, Columbus -- One-night bounce -- Sign language for infidels -- You on a stick -- Height of luxury -- Smell this -- Lay like broccoli -- Fever faker