content warning for mentions of stalking, manipulation, assault, rape, coercive control, abuse, and the romanticization of the aforementioned.

I'd like to start off by saying I am aromantic and not much of a romance reader myself (although I don't mind a romance subplot if it's done well), so I'm asking this as an outsider to the genre. I first remember hearing the term "dark romance" as a teenager, and at that point it seemed to refer to any romance book that featured and romanticized stalking, manipulation, assault, rape, coercive control, or other abuses between the protagonist and their (usually her) love interest. Books like Twilight, 50 Shades of Gray, and Throne of Glass come to mind for me first when I hear the term, although I know that they are probably a bit too out-of-date to meaningfully represent the genre today.

Lately, I've been seeing more and more conversation about dark romance, and in particular I've seen more and more people say that "real" dark romance does not involve any abuse or assault between the romantically-involved characters. If that is the case, then what distinguishes a dark romance from a regular romance? Is this a popular position among dark romance readers or a controversial one? Is there a different genre title for books that do feature abuse or rape (and to be clear, here I am referring to specifically abuse and rape, not impact play or consensual non-consent or any other kink) in a romanticized or eroticized way?