“What was joy, anyway. What was the worth of happiness that left behind a crater thrice the size of its impact. What did people who spoke of joy know of what it meant, to sleep and dream only of the whistle of planes and knocks at the door and on windows and to wake with a hand at one’s throat—one’s own hand, at one’s own throat. What did they know of not speaking for days, of not having known the touch of another, never having known, of want and of not having felt the press of skin to one’s own, and what did they know of a house that only ever emptied out. Of animals dying and fathers dying and mothers dying and finding bullet holes in the barks of trees right below the hearts carved around names of people who weren’t there and the bloody lip of a sibling and what did—what did she know of—what could she possibly know of what it—“

I completely understand Isabel, it seems everyone in her family have moved on from those incredibly traumatising moments yet she is still in that house trying to preserve the memories and keep everything in order. Her brothers don’t seem to take her seriously and brush her off. She has been incredibly lonely since she was a child and now she has this deep sense of paranoia or mistrust☹️

“I am not afraid of the nuns anymore. I have been in Eden all Summer long, I know divinity better than they ever will.”

ARGHHHHHH 💘💘💘

“Introspection is like cyanide. Life is fine this way, ignorance is easy, I do what is easy.”

this is interesting because I felt that so far Lucy has been very open about why she thinks certain things and the fact that she is suppressing a lot and is selfish and wants to be wanted but doesn’t want Martin. I guess the pushing stuff down while knowing why she’s pushing it down is the ignorance part… I still think she’s quite self aware

(Chapter 2) “But there is something in her attitude that I am drawn to…” “…Perhaps it is her moods, the glows and shadows of them, as though her heart is made of the changing sky. It’s humiliating to wonder if I have ever meant the same things to her as she does to me.”

Getting transported back in time to teenage me and my high school crushes🥹