The chapter on strategic targeted marketing had me nodding along, forgetting entirely that the narrator's headquarters was, well, themselves. I have never felt more inspired to pursue self employment in every sense of the word. Thank you Chuck Tingle, I love you.

Anthropologist Elizabeth Fisher says that the first human tool probably wasn't a spear, it was something way more boring, like a bag for carrying food you'd gathered. Ursula K. Le Guin loved this and basically built her whole approach to storytelling around it. Her point was that most traditional Western stories are shaped like spears: linear, aggressive, all about some lone hero fighting his way to the top. Le Guin called this the 'Killer Story' and saw it as an expression of masculine, military values that miss how the world actually works. For Le Guin, life is messier than that, more like digging through a cluttered bag, and she thought fiction should feel that way too. You can really see it in her own science fiction, where she's way more interested in how whole societies function than in following one hero around.

Quotes:

Trauma is the most avoided, ignored, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering. When I use the word trauma, I am talking here about the often debilitating symptoms that many people suffer from in the aftermath of perceived life-threatening or overwhelming experiences. Recently, trauma has been used as a buzzword to replace everyday stress, as in, “I had a traumatic day at work.” However, this use is completely misleading. While it is true that all traumatic events are stressful, all stressful events are not traumatic.

Perhaps the most important thing I have learned about trauma is that people, especially children, can be overwhelmed by what we usually think of as common everyday events. Until recently, our understanding of trauma was limited to “shell-shocked” soldiers who have been devastated by war, victims of severe abuse or violence, and those who have suffered catastrophic accidents and injuries. This narrow view could not be further from the truth.

The fact is that, over time, a series of seemingly minor mishaps can have a damaging effect on a person. Trauma does not have to stem from a major catastrophe.

We become traumatized when our ability to respond to a perceived threat is in some way overwhelmed. This inability to adequately respond can impact us in obvious ways, as well as ways that are subtle.

Trauma can, in fact, impact us in ways that don’t show up for years. For example, a traumatized war veteran who jumps every time a car backfires is clearly responding to gunfire that he experienced in the past. When a person who suffered torture and confinement breaks out in a cold sweat while riding in a crowded elevator, it is also easy to see the link. However, many, if not most of us, who have been overwhelmed by a series of less dramatic events have responses that are not so obvious.

In short, trauma is about loss of connection — to ourselves, to our bodies, to our families, to others, and to the world around us. This loss of connection is often hard to recognize, because it doesn’t happen all at once. It can happen slowly, over time, and we adapt to these subtle changes sometimes without even noticing them. These are the hidden effects of trauma, the ones most of us keep to ourselves. We may simply sense that we do not feel quite right, without ever becoming fully aware of what is taking place; that is, the gradual undermining of our self-esteem, self-confidence, feelings of well-being, and connection to life.

For example, sudden loud noises, such as thunder or the angry shouts of adults, can traumatize infants and young children. Of course, thunder and shouting are rarely life-threatening, but, when it comes to trauma, the critical factor is the perception of threat and the incapacity to deal with it.

It is a poignant story. It is also a cautionary tale about a tree with a severe martyr complex and a boy who is, quite frankly, a serial opportunist. The tree needs a firm set of boundaries and a several-year stint in intensive counselling. But I think it's too late...

If you've ever felt paralysed by the news cycle or just helpless watching democratic norms slowly erode, this book is for you. Most writing about political turmoil tells you what's happening. Snyder tells you what to actually do about it. He draws on the darkest moments of the 20th century, mainly fascism and communism in Europe, and distils it all into practical rules you can use today. The big takeaway is how much authoritarian power people just hand over willingly, and how refusing to mentally accept injustice before it takes hold is enough to create the friction that slows tyranny down.

Because Men Explain Things to Me is a collection of essays written over several years, it doesn't have a strong unifying thread and feels disjointed. The shifts between topics are abrupt, and the quality of the writing varies from piece to piece. It doesn't dig into complex issues with enough depth, and you may also notice that some arguments and examples come up more than once. For all its flaws, the book has its moments that leave a mark.

I enjoy these summaries from this publisher, but the opening sections could use some improvement.

Quotes:

In the United States, developments in the mid-1990s gave rise to the cognitive hypothesis, or the idea that a child’s cognitive abilities and IQ score are the most significant determinants of the child’s future success. This idea in turn sparked intense focus on making sure that children were “book smart.” Parents turned their attention to building their children’s vocabulary and drilling them on math facts, confident in the idea that proficiency in these areas would ensure great accomplishments and lifelong happiness for their kids. According to Paul Tough, however, emerging research shows that these parents’ confidence in the cognitive hypothesis was misplaced.

Tough sees character traits like grit and self-control as having the potential to close the education gap between affluent and low-income students and pave the way for great discoveries and innovations. These are traits that help children accept their failures, evaluate their mistakes, and create new solutions, Tough says, and he points to research showing that bright, affluent students who lack these traits may be incapable of resilience and vulnerable to depression and even addiction. The power of character rests in part on two messages—that intelligence is not a flxed, inborn quality but can be increased, and that positive traits of character can be learned, practiced, and strengthened.

[He talks about] destructive impact of “adverse childhood experiences,” or ACEs, such as violence and neglect, and offers a startlingly simple resolution—close, nurturing parental relationships. Tough explains that ACEs cause intense levels of stress, which strains the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (AHP) axis, the body’s stress-regulating system. Children who grow up in high-risk homes where drugs, abuse, and neglect run rampant are particularly susceptible to this type of damage. In this exaggerated state of stress, executive functions—the higher-order mental abilities that allow people to deal with confusing and unpredictable situations—are impeded. Tough suggests that the damage to children from neurological, physiological, and psychological impacts of ACEs will be much less acute if we can teach children to develop executive functions.

Tough cites studies showing that students who believe it’s possible for them to increase their intelligence do better academically than students who see intelligence as an inborn, unchanging quality. It’s a question of mind-set, Tough says, and he stresses the importance of developing a growth mind-set in students because the message that intelligence can be increased with mental work is one that carries incredible power. Students who are able to internalize this message come to believe in their ability to grow, Tough says, and they show noticeable academic improvement. Similarly, he says, if students see character traits as susceptible to constant development, they also become inspired to improve in that area. Tough sees these messages as particularly beneficial for students who have not been brought up to believe that they’re smart or that their futures hold the promise of success.

At the same time, Tough says, students who have grown up with confidence in their abilities and with feelings of security about their futures aren’t necessarily guaranteed successful outcomes, and they face their own challenges. For instance, he notes that affluent students seem particularly lacking in grit, a quality that comes with the experience of overcoming obstacles and disappointments and climbing mountains to attain a goal. On this point, Tough cites Dominic Randolph, headmaster at Riverdale Country School. Randolph says his students—who achieve high scores on the SAT, are told that everything they do is wonderful, and believe that their wealth and connections will automatically bring them a life of affluence and success—do not know how to pick themselves up after a failure and have trouble recovering from setbacks. Among low-income students, however, strong character traits become a safety net when family members, schools, and the culture in general can’t offer the built-in protection from failure that affluent kids enjoy. This is one reason why Tough believes that character may hold the key to bridging the education gap between wealthy and poor students.

In the late 1990s two research psychologists, Suniya S. Luthar and Chris C. Sexton, performed a study comparing more than two hundred mostly white and wealthy suburban tenth graders with their mostly African American and low-income urban counterparts. The researchers were surprised to discover that the affluent students suffered much higher incidences of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and academic difficulty. Luthar and Sexton were then asked to conduct another study, this one at a middle school, where they followed a cohort of affluent students and determined that outcomes for these students were decisively influenced by their relationships with their parents. For affluent as well as low-income students, they found delinquent behavior and mood disorders positively correlated with low levels of maternal attachment, high levels of criticism from parents, and minimal after-school supervision. Among wealthy students, excessive academic pressure and feelings of isolation were identified as the main causes of distress.

This book is just lovely. There's something timeless about it. Pressing a kiss into a child's palm so they have a tangible piece of love is beautiful. It turns an abstract emotion into something a little one can 'hold' when they're feeling wobbly.

Read by Barbara Bain: https://youtu.be/dPUW1t9Gu4s

For the best experience, I recommend reading the endnotes first.

I'm glad I ignored the negative comments. I usually avoid books with celebrity names and I don't like Oprah, but this one is excellent. I read and watch a lot about CPTSD/mental health, yet I still learnt so much. It really impacted me. People suggested the audiobook, so I tried it and recommend it too. I set the speed to 1.1x, which I think most people will prefer. Oprah sounds a bit fast at times, but it's not a big deal. This book doesn't need another review, so I wanted mine to at least be useful.