My first Mieko Kawakami novel and it's going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the year. 5/5. I think this is one of those novels that can be really hard to love because of how raw and unhinged it can be. There are moments in this novel that placed me into a void, where I need to sit and ponder the psychology of the characters (most notably Natsuko, Makiko, Midoriko and also Yuriko). It is a deep and uncomfortable exploration of societal pressures on women, sexual trauma, poverty, loneliness, and even anti-natalism and nihilism to some extent. Each character is facing their own struggles, and they're portrayed realistically in a sense that their problems don't just magically go away in the end. You're left with the feeling that it will still be there, it's a journey you'll have to take for the rest of your life, but you won't always be alone in it.

This novel is like if Diary of a Wimpy Kid got transported into the universe of 13 Reasons Why. It's quite entertaining and well-paced at best, but overall I think the inner thoughts of Sam is cringe (whether it was intentional or not), the rest of the characters could have been fleshed out more instead of being told in like a page what their whole personality was, the "playlist" is disappointing because it's basically just used as a plot device so the chapters can make sense. It just feels like the author was envisioning a Netflix series already while writing this instead of actually trying to write a novel first, it felt a bit shallow because the interesting parts (the mental state of Hayden, Astrid and Ryan's relationship, Eric's LGBTQ+ background, etc) were glossed over by quirky tropes (which makes sense why this was published in 2015) and the "oOoh i gotta find out why Hayden committed s*******" mystery solving. Just felt like with a few more edits and drafts this novel could have been more decent.