Ich bin mir nicht sicher, was ich überhaupt gelesen habe… aber ich möchte keiner dieser Personen aus diesem Buch jemals begegnen.

subgenres: pink horror, bubblegum horror

• haunting as a love language
• deal with the devil but it‘s a tad twisted, k?
• creepy doll, the spiders are chill
• unmasking autism, but in a demonic kinda way
• she had nightmares, then she decided to become the nightmare

This book has quickly become one of my all time favourites and Gwen is easily my favourite protagonist.

Azalea Crowley has once again surprised me with their unique take on common horror and horromance tropes, creating a whole new experience. I had a lot of fun seeing Gwendolyn go through so much change after getting the creepy doll, and to have the doll represent (& influence) the process of her unmasking.

I did not see the plot twist coming, but I acknowledge that it has been foreshadowed. It was just such a great twist, and when I thought that Gwen had reached her maximum potential, Crowley surprised me yet again with a legendary ending. Her writing flowed really well and the narration style suited Gwen as an (undiagnosed) autistic protagonist, as well as Ambrosius as this mysterious entity with an ulterior motive, without giving anything away too soon.

I adore Ambrosius and Gwen, they’re relatable protagonists who have both suffered their fair share of humans, especially the colonial aspects, being multiracial. Crowley doesn’t shy away from this usually silenced part of history and weaves it seamlessly into her characters’ identities and plot. I could relate a lot to Gwendolyn muting her creative and aesthetic expression to fit in, to not attract unwanted, negative attention, to cover up what could be perceived as “weird” about herself.

What if he made her worse? This question is what lead me to read this book and I definitely have 💅not💅 been disappointed by the answer. Throughout the later parts of the book I felt a little bit of envy toward Gwen, because she had, among other things, conjured the confidence to speak her mind and no longer care about the reaction. She ended up thriving and even inspired me to be more expressive myself (minus the bloodshed part).

Content Warnings are available on the author‘s website.