okay so… this book is a lot of mixed feelings for me because most of it was a mixed bag. there will be some spoilers here so tread lightly. i read this book bc everyone kept comparing it to rwrb and since i’ve been in rwrb brain rot for weeks i was desperate. and i’ve concluded that the only thing that’s similar is there’s english boys in both and they’re all equally terrible at commitment, so i’m begging people to be more accurate with their suggestions. that being said, the review: i don’t particularly like first-person perspective. i think it’s incredibly easy to mess up and very difficult to do well and this book had an extremely rough start for me. luc was extremely unlikable and so was every single other character in the book. everyone was annoying. the dialogue felt incredibly forced and especially the humor was giving very much trying-too-hard, and there was just so much chaos and so much going on at a single moment that i was given constant whiplash. despite that, it still managed to make me laugh so that has to count for something. however, it got… better. somewhat. for all its flaws, this book does an excellent job explaining and portraying mental health and mental illness and the complexities of different types of relationships. i realized halfway through the book that a lot of contempt i was feeling towards luc was projection, and once i got past that i started to like him more and truly start to understand how fascinating he is as a narrator. the first-person perspective is unique in that it does help enhance our understanding of the text and luc’s growth. it grew on me the way he did. additionally, the way this book tackles paranoia and the fear of rejection and how love can’t fix you but can in fact open up new wounds you didn’t realize were there because you hadn’t felt safe to bleed that way until right then is excellent, and it made me feel exposed in a good way. i love how complicated everything is, how luc and his dad end how they did, how it doesn’t force happy endings. i also really enjoyed how it built. oliver and luc had no chemistry at first, and i enjoyed how realistic and uncomfortable the start of their relationship felt while they were still adjusting. it not going perfectly right away felt correct. i liked them struggling with physical contact, and stumbling over their words and getting into arguments, and before i knew it they suddenly had chemistry like they were supposed to. i like slow-burns so i hate when things move too fast. i like that this had a slow simmer at first. tl;dr: a deeply flawed piece of literature with some very well-done bits of narrative that helped smooth over some of the issues. definitely not a favorite but i’ll be reading the sequel once i’m able to get it at my library!

the premise made me wonder if i’d like it, but this became my comfort book so quickly. truly an incredible book. it felt like reading a warm hug and somehow i walked away from it feeling a little patriotic. alex just has that effect on me i guess. waving my little american flag from underneath the mountain of blankets i used for reading companions. spoilers in the last paragraph! the plot was so well-developed and set up a fantastic amount of foreshadowing that i picked up on but dismissed and realized later that i shouldn’t have. plot twists that were somehow shocking but believable, and not too high stakes that the resolution felt rushed or underwhelming. the characters are so endearing, and alex is such a fun narrator. i love that we get a range of different dynamics and we don’t lose that to the relationship between alex and henry. i wish we had gotten more pez, though! i wanted to see more of him and june together. and i loved that it acknowledges the complexities of voting populations amidst what felt like a very idealistic political world even despite it all, and i loved the touch of the texas binder. it managed to keep the plot feeling grounded even with everything happening around us. also the letters, my god. i’ve read and reread their letters over and over again. i love this book so much. i’ve read it like three times because i keep going back to reread scenes whenever i think about them and it just gets out of control.