I've been trying to wrap my head around and puts words to/organize my thoughts.

TLDR - Multiple things can be true at the same time. I appreciate her story and voice, I felt for her, but I wish she had dug a little deeper (and took more accountability).

I'll start with what I appreciated. I came into this book, initially, not knowing anything about Kaila Yu and when she said she used to model, I Googled her and realized I had actually seen her face/photos before. I appreciate her vulnerability and honestly. I don't think there are many memoirs/nonfiction books out there that are similar to hers, if that makes sense.

There are a few points where she starts/started to lose me.

-I wish she would have been more specific with "Asian." So many times throughout her story, she says things like "Our slanted 'almond eyes [...]" with "our" meaning "Asian," but not all Asians have "slanted almond eyes." It's almost feels like she forgets how big Asia is and truly just means East Asia and this is a recurring thing that happens within the East Asian community (I am also East Asian, Taiwanese-American like her).

-Her memoir lacked focus. Two standout chapters to me were "Bad Asian" and "Slanted." I wish she dug a little more into those themes, but I'm also cognizant and aware that it's very traumatic and might even teeter on the line of becoming a "trauma porn" novel. She also mentioned her "domineering tiger mom" multiple times and I wished had talked more about her family and what produced the conditions of her "domineering tiger mom" or her own home life. Otherwise, it felt like "here's a little bit of this and that."

-In "Lolitas," when she introduces her younger bandmates (Jamie + Kiki), it was all just very weird to me. She said, "Like a mama-san, I forced the younger girls to shift sexuality to the forefront. But the worst part was how much attention Jamie received without trying." Huh???? She does state, previously, that "By nature, I've always been jealous [...']" and if she had explored the root of that jealously and how come to "overcome" (?) it, I might have a little bit more understanding (MAYBE) for how she treated Jamie and Kiki -- the harm and danger she put them in. She doesn't really take accountability or address it either???? ALSO, she was pushing 30 years old in 2008 and I'm not saying she should have "known better," but that's kind of what I'm saying, BUT I also understand being 30 years old in 2008 is different than, say, 2018.

-At the end of "Unicorn," she says, "It could have been me" and I just thought it was an odd thing to say about someone who died. I understand what she's trying to say, but definitely could have been framed better.

-I might have been a little more forgiving MAYBE if this had been released in 2021/2022, but I feel that in recent years there have been more conversations being brought up in the East Asian community about fetishization, use of "Asian" when people really mean just "East Asian," how US military occupation and displacement impact everything -- maybe it's just my algorithm -- etc. that her memoir could have been so much stronger had someone (multiple people) with this nuance reviewed her book. In "Not Lucy Liu," she says how stereotypes reduce "us into a monolith," but she [Kaila] also kind of does the same thing (reducing to monoliths). Again, had some more people with nuance reviewed it, the connection and articulation between her story and argument would be stronger.

-I feel like she has/had an obsession with Sung-Hi (and other people) and C cups that is important to her story, but I'm not understanding it yet.

I am having trouble discerning whether I over-scrutinized her because, as a fellow Taiwanese-American, I just want more for our diaspora. I expect and want us to think deeper. I want us to go below surface level and reflect about why things are the way they are. I want us to learn to be curious. OR if others also share the same sentiments and thoughts as I.