Imagine if Wir Kinder vom Banhof Zoo and Perfect Blue had a child; but it's actually Bill Kaulitz's autobiography. I'm not a fan of Tokio Hotel, in fact, i didn't really pay them any mind even in their peak until now (also because at the time i was 7 years old and not into teenage bands), when i accidentaly stumbled upon their reality show Kaulitz and Kaulitz; ''Are those the guys from that one emo band? Boy, where are they now? it's been ages!'' One clip led to another and then there i was tuning into Netflix. It's just now, 20 years after, that i got interest in them and their music. Again, on accident, i stumbled upon a tiktok about his book, and after a few quotes, i got caught in and decided to read it. Now, let me telll you, as someone who enjoys reading biographies on artists, even the ones i'm not particularly a fan of (because for me it's just gossip and i love gossip) this one took the crown. As i said, i like to consider myself a bit of a connoisseur on biographies and i know enough to say what makes o breaks this, especially for the actual, dedicated fans. Most of the biographies i read (from artists dead or alive) are very rarely written by the artists themselves. There is always that one journalist that believes they're an intimate friend of the band or singer, and writes something very far away from reality from what the artitst actually experienced; the journalist always have to put their own input, and end up writing about the idea of the artist, not the artists themselves, which makes a biography feel fake and cheap. But to everyone's surprise (and i say this very respectfully) Bill Kaulitz can actually write and does it amazingly. From page one, you get sucked into it. He knows his way with words and whatever he visioned and felt, you did too. The way he narrates was such that, for a moment, you forget you're reading an autobiography of a real life story, and are cheering for these twins, crying and laughing with them, you're rooting for this kid desperate to participate in a talent show, and get out of that town - you're just there at the same time. And soon enough, you find yourself on the other side, disliking these twins you once rooted for, and rolling your eyes at their stubborness - fame. Teenage idols being manhandled by the big men in suits. This is where Satoshi Kon came in directing , I'd say. This 9 year old quirky kid was suddenly a 16 year old teenger, burn out and locked in a hotel room, where both haters and fans were obssesed to get a glimpse of him and do whatever they wanted with him. Fans and haters are just alike, both disrupt your peace. Whether Bill himself is aware or not (though it gives you the impression he's not), you as the reader, will find super creepy and questionable, the relationship they had with every adult in charge of them. From their manager to their bodyguard, everyone wanted ''a piece.'' Even in their childhood, he narrates things that are considered abuse and neglect, but he shrugs it off, ''oh well who didn't smoke at 6? who wasn't touched at 9?'' I mean, a corn party at 16 brought to them by their manager? Drugs and alcohol before 18 in press events to keep the important people satisfied? this band surely went through some shady things before 20, it makes you wonder... Something that also shocked me was, for an iconic singer of the 2000's, music was last in their list. And though i think this is general knowledge about the music industry, you still manage to get surprised by how controlled and manipulated artists are by their own label. Bill Kaulitz asked at the last page of this autobiography: ''After all, was this 'career suicide?' Oh well what do i know...'' Here's my honest opinion: Yes. It was, in fact, an accidental suicide orchestrated by the big men in suits. But these twins seem happier than ever so, does it really matter? At the end of the day, something you cannot deny, fan or hater, is that Bill Kaulitz will remain a 2000's emo icon that had everyone in a chokehold, once upon a time.

"It's raining man" his chosen song to perform on live television. Iconic. Also, as i was reading, couldn't help but to feel kinda bad for him; he was so desperate to get out of his town and do something of his dreams. Ngl it reminded me of my teenage self.

Reading how much he disliked school and how stressed he was about everything when he was a teenager reminded me how much I used to f-ing hate school myself at 13 too lmao got war flashbacks all of a sudden.

Just when you think these twin brothers have had enough, there is something crazier and more traumatic the next page. My jaw is on the floor reading all the things bill experienced as a kid, and I'm not even halfway through it yet!

it's getting creepier and i'm scared (a good sign lol)

plotwist after plotwist DAMN (im loving itttt)

i watched reviews of this book on yt before i read it, and most of them were saying it was so bad, especially the writing, but i differ. Yes, the writing felt very beginner-like, but as i kept reading i realized it reads more like a tv script than a book and that doesn't mean it's bad, it's just different. But oh well, i'm barely into the second chapter so far, so we'll see.

daaamn turned dark really quickly okay i'm sat

I absolutely adore this novel, I'm actually re-reading it and I'm falling in love againnnn. I also think we can see Anne Rice herself in this novel, considering what she said about gender—to paraphrase what she said: "I've never felt any strong gender identity myself"—you can see her talking through the characters, which I find very interesting. Also, because of this novel, now I've got a keen interest in castrati singers. How do we feel about the adaptation, by the way? I'm not quite convinced about the director but I guess we'll have to wait and see.