just finished and i feel nothing but shock right now. will get back to y’all in a bit once i recover the shattered pieces of mental well-being.

hold on tight — this is gonna be a long-ass review. but you know those reviews that you write that's just for you? yeah, this is one of those reviews. this is beyond 5 stars if you haven't guessed already.

i'll make it nonspoilery for now, which is this: you know that feeling of knowing that something has irreversibly changed your life but can't properly express the words to describe it because it's just so much bigger than oneself? this book encapsulated that feeling and held it gently as it delivered that feeling straight to my heart. this book was a long one, but a brilliantly crafted, masterfully delivered one that has shook my foundation for reading forever. the plot was fast-paced, clever, and always had that striking balance of letting the reader have some clues as to how things will happen, but completely sweep not just the rug but the entire floor from under them, transporting the reader into an entirely new, exhilarating direction. impossibly enough, i fell deeper in love with xie lian and hua cheng and shi qingxuan, and i got to love some new faces that we got to know better. [SLAPS ADOPTION PAPERS DOWN] like with quan yizhen. i want that chaotic dumbass under my care now.

and now. onto spoilers >:) (but honestly, it'll mainly be hualian) (warning: no dignity ahead)

Hua Cheng laughed. "I promise, you will not find another person who is more sincere than me in this world."
Hearing that familiar response, Xie Lian laughed too.

this book really served me with hualian kisses. i've ascended to the heavenly realm and saw jun wu give me a "what the fuck" face every time before i came down to read more. first kiss was initiated by hua cheng and the aftermath of xie lian's gay panic was fucking hilarious since it was also his first kiss (and then hua cheng carried xie lian in his arms right afterwards because his foot was injured). this book does not let me breathe. and that scene in the ghost city when they went out to eat porridge and all these ghosts were giving them gifts because they were so excited to see hua cheng's guest and xie lian looked up to see hua cheng just sitting there with a hand supporting his cheek, just watching xie lian with a big smile on his face?? and that scene when shi qingxuan tried backing xie lian up by saying "oh he'd never held hands or kissed anybody before" but xie lian thought of hua cheng both of those times and couldn't agree with the wind master?? the amount of times this book has made me scream is unforgiveable. there's so many more scenes i could list, so let me just list some more before continuing on:

- hua cheng being the only one who can eat xie lian's adorably named dishes
- xie lian needing to grab hua cheng's hand every time he breathes
- when asked "what's the worst suffering in the world to you?" and hua cheng replied that "it's to watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything" and xie lian suddenly freezing and stop breathing
- hua cheng naturally smiling at only xie lian and not even noticing it
- xie lian not standing the idea that hua cheng die even tho he's technically already dead
- HUA CHENG'S "gege, want to get married?" AND XIE LIAN BEING UPSET AFTERWARDS THAT HUA CHENG SAID IT WAS A JOKE
- xie lian letting out a sigh of relief when he found out that hua cheng's "noble, gracious special someone" was a lie but then hua cheng saying "it wasn't all a lie. i just haven't won that person over yet" and xie lian being in a daze afterwards
- XIE LIAN INITATING THE SECOND KISS AND RUNNING AWAY AFTERWARDS IN A GAY PANIC
- xie lian's fucking dumbass thinking that the person hua cheng hadn't won over yet must not have good taste or that they're taking it for granted since hua cheng is such a catch
- xie lian is a bottom, confirmed.
- THAT SCENE IN THE COFFIN. HOW HUA CHENG IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN "GET IT UP"
- their third kiss quickly becoming into them passionately making out behind the puqi shrine HAHAHA
- hua cheng POUTING when xie lian tried to give him calligraphy lessons
- HUA CHENG AND XIE LIAN MAKING OUT FOR AN ENTIRE NIGHT IN THE QIANDENG TEMPLE ON THE FUCKING ALTAR, WHERE XIE LIAN FINALLY REALIZED HIS FEELINGS FOR HUA CHENG AND COULD NOT BE ABLE TO HIDE THEM ANYMORE
- xie lian missing hua cheng terribly even tho it's only been a few days but hua cheng feeling the same way so he went undercover but got caught by xie lian ("only after having met you did i rediscover that it's such a simple thing to be happy")
- xie lian absolutely loving little hua cheng and squeezing his cheek because he's too cute and braiding his hair and hugging him and placing him on his lap and xie lian being so dejected at the thought that hua cheng won't be little anymore + xie lian wanting a kid that looks like hua cheng so bad
- Forehead Touches
- hua cheng kissing xie lian without any pretenses!!!
- hua cheng letting blood red petals fly down instead of blood rain bc xie lian would get drenched (the IMAGERY in this scene)
- xie lian's heart skipping a beat every time hua cheng does something slightly romantic like holding the umbrella over their heads and hua cheng telling him to come closer
- hua cheng tying the red string of fate on the same finger so they're basically married
- xie lian thinking "to die buried together doesn't sound so bad" when he's wrapped up in hua cheng's arms
- xie lian sleeping on hua cheng's shoulder
- HUA CHENG JUST PUTTING HIS ARM AROUND XIE LIAN'S WAIST EVERY .00001 SECONDS
- xie lian using his body to block the ox from hua cheng, afraid it'll attack
- HUA CHENG'S LAIR???? HOLY SHIT
- those instances where hua cheng voice cracked :) that shit hurt
- CHAPTER 177

A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden.
Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn't speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.
It was a good while before Xie Lian felt the person he was hugging turn around, returning the hold, engulfing him in a tight embrace.
He heard Hua Cheng's staggering voice coming from above. "... Your Highness. You really... will be the death of me."

looking at the list now, that shit was long as fuck, but who's gonna complain??? also, listening to the soundtrack from the donghua while reading was a whole other experience. highly recommend if you wish to spiral more into obsession.

quick note: shi qingxuan better be okay. xie lian deserves more sunshine friends. he's hilarious and one of my favorite characters in this series. i sincerely hope he's okay. i'm really happy this book provides some comedic relief with shi qingxuan's personality and some hilarious interactions between characters. like when mu qing said: "i think even if [hua cheng] was to write 'suspicious' on his face you'd suddenly become illiterate." but for some reason, this is the funniest line in the book for me:

Xie Lian understood but at the same time, didn't.

xie lian is such a good, chaotic, intelligent dumbass. i truly love him. also, i did not know that fu yao and nan feng were actually feng xin and mu qing from the start?? i love how it implies that they've cared from the start.

to wrangle some order into this review, i want to talk about the connection between xie lian and the white-clothed calamity. it really was such great writing that whenever that half-crying, half-smiling mask appeared, i was just as scared as xie lian. i had a suspicion that one of xie lian's paths would be to be the white-clothed calamity, but seeing it hinted at in the end of the book was still a shock to my system. who will rise from the kiln??? i'm anxious, but ready to get some answers.

after finishing this book, i read the next book, [b:White-Clothed Calamity|56129436|White-Clothed Calamity (Heaven Official's Blessing, #4)|墨香铜臭|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1606837719l/56129436._SX50_.jpg|87424142], and finished it within the day, and all i can say is this: it's absolutely heartbreaking and inspiring to see the person xie lian is today. he's truly one of those characters that have been through so much shit, through so much fucking pain, yet still strive to remain compassionate and fair despite all their past circumstances that easily could've influenced them going down the opposite path. i'll talk about it more in my review of the next book, but wow i've never admired a book character as much as xie lian. no wonder hua cheng would do anything for him.

i'll say this time and time again: xie lian is an incredible character, so human and flawed and just keeps trying his best. i'm excited to see how this series ends — see you there.

Xie Lian grinned, but didn't say anything, and didn't rebuke either. He only said, "To have beauty exist in this world is already in itself something to be grateful for."
There was beauty in his heart, and he wasn't afraid of any killjoys. Borrowing the light of those lanterns in the distance, he continued forward.