This was such a heartwarming book to read.

All of the characters are relatable, in their triumphs and in their failures and especially in their flaws (except Joel and Travis, I sincerely hope they constantly stub their pinky toes when they are shoeless and can't find their car keys when they're already late). I wanted to be mad at Jacob the entire time, but I get that he was just a dumb kid who didn't see the consequences of his actions were longer lasting and bigger than he thought. Mari had every right to push as she did and because the hole just got bigger and deeper, Jacob couldn't let himself crawl out without backlash to himself. I hate that Mari was the one who suffered long term when she was more concerned about safety than anything else.

Mari is so so human and I love that. She is someone who has to fight like hell to get by, to support her father and her sister Ava, to support herself with her disability and her independence, to support her dreams and her hobbies, even when life keeps messing with her. I love that her disability was mentioned throughout and in different ways and circumstances, that her aids were mentioned all the time and even her struggle with the aids and her worry that people would focus on those instead of her as a person (I will say again fuck Joel, I will find a stool to shove up his ass). I just really love Mari, okay?

I fully recommend this book if you ever wanted to understand someone with chronic illness/pain and thank you Laurel Holl for this ARC and this experience.

Favorite quotes:

• "Between the constant set backs in life and the chronic pain, the amount of energy it takes to get excited or stay positive is astronomical"
• "You've known my body for weeks. I've known mine for thirty two years. You don't get to tell me what I should do, now or ever, unless I explicitly ask"