If you escape the place you were held hostage but there is nothing to escape to, were you better off before or after? Does all of the world then become your prison? Is your mind the prison? Or is time your jailer? This book raised more questions for me than gave answers and I mean that in a good way.

When I was a child, my parents joined a cult. I left at 21. They practiced shunning so I was suddenly alone in the world. Surrounded by humans and businesses and life and cities but with no real connection to anyone outside. And so I relate to this book through that lens. Especially after deconstructing my religious beliefs. The search for meaning and direction is a lifelong one.

You might spend your days waiting for things that you have not experienced yourself, but you’ve heard spoken about with such emotion from other people, wondering when or if those things will happen to you too? Always watching the door to see if there will be one human coming to provide those things to you that you cannot provide yourself- love from another, acceptance, a family, connection. Even on your death bed. Just waiting. I do very much relate to this. Would you even be able to accept the love and connection if it showed up? Would it take a lifetime of therapy to be able to attempt it?

A very unique, if not bleak book. I’m really glad I picked it up. I’m sure I’ll be thinking about it now and again very often.

I picked up this book thanks to the recommendation of Spooky Little Book Nerd on YouTube.

This book started out pretty rough for me. It felt very amateur and not very refined. The grammar and spelling have errors. The sentence structure is questionable. And the prose is clunky.

But as the book continued, the rough edges smoothed out a bit and the premise is very intriguing to me. I’ve been waiting for a good “the devil’s side of the story” and this definitely fits the bill. So while I normally DNF books that start out this rough, I will be continuing the series to see where this goes because goddamn if it’s not entertaining as all hell (pun intended).

But I have to say- that ended was incredibly abrupt. I was not expecting that. Is this like an online fan fiction turned published author situation? I don’t know. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed that book 2 will be smoother but keep the entertainment value.