My Selling Pitch:
A revenge thriller dark romance short story.

Pre-reading: Do I think Nessa Allen is a good author? No. Do I think she’s an entertaining one? Yeah. Free me from this collection!

(obviously potential spoilers from here on) Thick of it: Thibodeaux is CRAZY.

I hope she's not buried alive, but oof! (On this episode of Samantha’s never read a blurb in her life.)

Bitch, you call 911 FIRST.

The female narrator sounds like Reese Witherspoon.

Not in the tricounty 😂

WHY WOULD YOU NOT JUST EAT IT LIKE SOUP?!?

Oh, you have to be careful about eating? Let me just pop open my crockpot, pour it into the blender, and make you a meat smoothie. And if you’re like, isn’t that just soup? No, because he puts it in a drinking glass-specifically with a glass straw so he can trigger everyone who’s watched that one TikTok. This absolute fuckass book 😂

Fun in funerals, baby.

This book is ridiculous lmao

You know the story, bad, but the smut, good. I’ll give her that.

G-spot isn’t real sin

Phew, some of this is really hot and then other parts are so cringe and taking me out of it. She’s being very conscientious about not repeating phrases, but they’re getting more and more ridiculous, and I’m like just say cock three times in a row. It’ll be OK. It’s just really toeing the line of melodramatic, and it’s bad whenever it tips over.

That’s gotta be a nod to Lights Out.

Fuck, I guess I’ve gotta count this as a cat book now.

Post-reading: Man, am I glad to be done with this collection. I think this was my favorite of the bunch. Like was it good? No. Was I entertained? Yeah. You have to suspend all disbelief for this story to work. The American medical and justice systems are a fucking joke, but they’re something else in this one. I physically recoiled at the meat smoothie, but hey, at least it elicited a response in me after 5 of these mind-numbing, nothing little stories. The smut was surprisingly hot. There’s a couple choice lines in there. Unfortunately there’s also some melodrama to cringe over. It felt thesaurusy at points. I’ll take repetition over exaggerated phrasing that no one uses in real life any day. The couple gets together way too quickly. They could’ve used a couple more days of hiding out at the cabin to bond before immediately smashing. Hell, give him a veterinary cousin who can reassure the audience she’s mentally sound and able to consent. I’m not a good for her revenge girlie, but I’ve come to expect it in these dark romances. I roll my eyes and keep flipping pages.

As with everything else in the collection, I don’t think you’re missing out on anything if you give it a skip. Considering that there’s no standout stories, I don’t think you need to read it at all. I’ve read Allen before, and I think this is pretty par for the course. Pick her up to giggle at the absurdity and you might get rewarded with some smut that works for you, but don’t expect any life-changing romance out of her books.

Who should read this: Dark rom-com fans

Ideal reading time: Valentine’s

Do I want to reread this: No.

Would I buy this: No.

Similar books:

• Harvest Season by Brynne Weaver-dark rom-com, revenge thriller
• Love Me Stalk Me by Laura Bishop-dark rom-com, revenge thriller, holiday romance
• Willing Prey by Allie Oleander-smutty romance, revenge thriller

My Selling Pitch:
A generic ex’s brother sports romance short story that tries and fails to also be a revenge thriller.

On my do not read list.

Pre-reading: I have not read this author or heard of her.

(obviously potential spoilers from here on) Thick of it: A J name? Typical.

Lemur pajamas???

Oh brother. “I gave her a nickname when we saved a bird.” Thank god I only have one more left. I am TAPPED on bad romance lol.

No one talks like this.

Why is this turning into a locked room murder mystery?

I also like apples and cheddar. I think it's a New England thing.

Putting the fun in funerals, baby.

Someone’s mouth tasting like orange juice sounds so gross to me.

If Violet’s jealous of her, why would she purposely pick an outfit for her to stand out in? The motive math is not mathing.

Post-reading: Impressively, this is the worst in the collection so far, and it was up against shrimp taco diarrhea. Like that is a LOW bar, and it pulled out a shovel. The characters are bland. It bit off way more than it could chew. 100 pages for a developed romance is a tall order, and you wanna add a thriller into that? Bitch, please. The killer’s motivation makes no sense. I’m not an acts of service girlie to begin with, but this book only works because he can throw money at a problem is not romantic to me. He’s not generous, he’s just overpaid. The smut had okay lines, and then also made me say ew out loud, so that couldn't even save this. There's nothing here for you. I don't think you should pick it up, and I wouldn't try the author again. I need you romance girlies to want more for yourselves than thinly veiled revenge fantasies about your exes.

Who should read this: Generic romance fans

Ideal reading time: Valentines

Do I want to reread this: No

Would I buy this: No

Similar books:

• Merry and Bright by Ali Rosen-generic holiday sports romance short story, family drama
• Powerless by Elsie Silver-small town sports romance, friends to lovers, family drama

My Selling Pitch:
A generic second chance romance short story. Cringe but in a fun way. Still skippable.

Pre-reading: I don’t think I've heard of this author before. This collection’s been pretty shit, so I don’t have high expectations.

(obviously potential spoilers from here on) Thick of it: That joke makes no sense. Niche Shakespeare is that Romeo likes her last name???

Girl, STAND UP.

Not an author advocating for using ChatGPT to skip out on an English education. Not an author advocating for running books through AI.

Too many Friends references, chill.

Were these short stories contractually obligated to mention these comets that I can’t find any mention of online in real life?

You know, when I said I was a werewolf girlie, this is not what I meant.

Yay Twilight!

Yeah, ‘cause men love irreverent girls.

Is this play about us?

This was so cringe, but it did make me smile.

Post-reading: You know, I was ready to write this one off, but I ended up having a decent time with it. Is it pretty cringe? Yeah. You could choke on all the pop culture references she’s shoved into here. But it kinda leans into the cringe and is less concerned with believability than getting you to crack a smile. It’s bonkers, but it’s sweet. I hated the crack about AI, though. What the shit was that doing in here? I don’t wanna see any author advocating for running a book through the AI chum bot. Shame on you. I do think it was just a misguided joke rather than the author taking an actual stance, but I still don’t wanna see it in my books.

I still don’t think you need to read this one, but it’ll entertain you for an hour. Also, this one actually had Valentine’s Day shenanigans. It’s the first in the collection to understand the assignment. It’s also enough of a writing sample where I don’t feel the need to read this author again, but if I was ever in the mood for a smooth brain palette cleanser, I think one of her books could do it for me.

Who should read this: Generic romance fans

Ideal reading time: Valentine’s

Do I want to reread this: Nah

Would I buy this: No

Similar books:

• Say You’ll Remember Me by Abby Jimenez-contemporary romance, family drama, long distance
• Passion Project by London Sperry-messy girl fiction, contemporary romance, family drama, NYC shenanigans
• Well, Actually by Mazey Eddings-contemporary romance, enemies to lovers, second chance romance