Here we go. This book had been on my library hold list since April. When I got it in September, I lasted 30 pages before saying, at the time, “Yeah no thanks.” A 500+ page book with an overtly matter of fact writing style is not an Alex kind of pick. But I was recommended it by a close friend (shoutout Kierstin but also sorry for following review) to give it another chance, and I’m glad I did, as even in my critiques, I found my reading experience to be enjoyable, and the feeling of finishing a 500+ page book quite rewarding.

What made this experience enjoyable? My personal ties to plot elements. The pitfalls of being a woman in a male-dominated university field/program little moment? Understood. The appeals of enigmatic, aloof, flaky yet charming types? Guilty, and the plot points there felt ripped from my own lore. And the whole motif of the dangers of pursuing the mind/soul/spirit and dismissing the material entirely? Eerily resonant, as I read Why We Dance: A Philosophy of Bodily Becoming by Kimere LaMothe. But this was the bulk of what sustained me, not necessarily something intrinsic to the story itself, just how I related to it. What I wanted to know throughout the plot was just as intertwined with aforementioned personal ties.

The book, on its own, deeply frustrated me. I found the writing style to be quite juvenile at times, hoping for a more Donna Tartt seriousness in terms of prose for such a dark academia book. And when it wasn’t juvenile, it was hopelessly pretentious, telling me how to think in a way I didn’t care for, with aforementioned motif being so forceful. The only assurance this gave me was that it made the book easier to speed read, and ended up keeping me invested but left unsatisfied. I was incensed that the two big character backstory reveals were told in exposition, from Kuang’s all-knowing voice; I wanted to know how the CHARACTERS would express those parts of themselves!! And wtf was that ever so convenient, morally righteous and unnuanced ending??? Where did all that rage take us??? Nowhere new. Overall, very glad I gave this one a full chance and saw it through. But when the personal ties weren’t keeping me invested, and they did propel me through this book in less than a week, I was left wanting more.