This book drained me so much that I started dissociating when I got out of its grasp. Being inside the mind of Snow was no joke. It felt like I was playing mental gymnastics every single time. This book was a full blown character analysis. He already had a big jerk potential from the start, but the slow progression and exposures to catalysts that made him spiral into doom were so well done. He always had the darkness, and this book explored how it was honed into great obsession, narcissism, self-justification and deeply rooted selfishness that makes him what he is in the original trilogy. It's terrifying how extremely aware he is of how broken the system is, but still chose to support it, do questionable things, and justify it.

I guess my main issue is my experience reading this book. It felt unnecessarily long, with uneven pacing for each part. Still, I really admired how this book delivered a deep story driven by a flawed character and ideologies. I just had a hard time staying with it. Maybe it's intentional given how unreliable and messy Snow's mind is, but I'm glad to have my freedom back now

Maybe I’ll always grieve the fact that I butchered my chance to enjoy this book the first time around. The quality is there: great prose, undeniable yearning and longing, and an interesting, intense portrayal of social issues. I do recognize its beauty, I just didn’t fully absorb it. Maybe it was improper timing, or maybe I just didn’t like Lucy that much. She’s just so lost and passive to the point of hurting everyone around her, and there wasn’t much charactern development even by the end. Honestly, I felt so bad for Susannah and Martin, they deserved so much better.