i feel like i just got punched in the throat nbd

i really need to stop picking up books with a surprise eating disorder subplot being thrown in 75% into the book

i praised the editing on this very early on, as i'd read the original version and could tell the editor had done a good job. however, it randomly vanished immediately after, and i was left extremely confused. for example, teagan mentioned having woken up at 8 (which is treated as a big deal since she's usually an early bird), but the following paragraphs showed her doing things before. the writing gets repetitive at times, like heath mentioning his, "not-so-little friend" twice in two pages after a scene break.

the book deals with important issues, like mental health, figuring out your identity after you lose so much of what you thought made you you (money, a sports career), finding out your identity outside of your family, being an eldest daughter and setting the example for your siblings (and the pressure it puts on all of you and your relationship with each other), realizing your friends kind of suck, and navigating a world that isn't favorable to anyone who isn't an upper middle class, ablebodied cishet white guy. i think these topics were handled well in general.

the dialogue felt a bit unnatural at times, especially when it came to calling people out for being bigoted douchebags. i think it absolutely HAD to be done, as we can't keep normalizing people's racist and sexist biases, but at times it felt like the characters were reading a twitter thread. the things that were being said (by teagan and heath) were very valid and well articulated, but the way it was done didn't exactly feel like how dialogue would flow, if that makes sense. but good on them for calling out other people's BS. and yes, you absolutely cannot keep politics out of relationships, especially when said politics literally affect your life.

overall, this was an enjoyable read and i really, really liked how everything was handled. i just wish the editing hadn't fumbled.

this was a wonderfully written portrayal of grief and what it feels like to try to navigate the world without one of your pillars. even with the distance between you and all the conflicting feelings, losing your mom is always a complicated experience.

sophie's journey to process a new world where she's no longer a daughter but is still a mother, while dealing with her (admittedly) horrible husband and a daughter moving onto adulthood feels realistic, and it's clear there's a lot of empathy in these words.

it's never too late to reinvent yourself and find your passion. it's never too late to choose yourself.

this was a bit too insta love-y for me but it's not the end of the world. emmy get up he's just some guy

it's been a while since the last time a book pissed me off.

normally, books piss me off when they're bad (to me. or just bad). this one pissed me off for a different reason.

was it bad? no. it's objectively well written. the dialogue is good. there's a semblance of a plot. there's some character development. rue exists.

my issue is how everything was handled. i knew exactly what this book dealt with before picking it up, and maybe i should have read it at a time when i wasn't neck deep into a relapse in my own eating disorder. maybe it would've been different, i don't know. but there's absolutely no reason to include a calorie diary WITH ACTUAL NUMBERS. there isn't. it could have been mentioned katie used to keep one. that's it. moving on. i'm well aware it's part of the disorder, and there's always a risk when writing characters suffering from these disorders, but i didn't like the way it was portrayed.

we're told she's in recovery, but we don't really see any of it. the self-help talk helps, but it's not a miracle cure. where's the therapy? where's the cognitive restructuring? where's the actual recovery? and why does it only stick the moment there's a love interest being introduced? it falls into the "love saves us all" trope, which i LOATHE, and it completely takes away from what recovery is supposed to be focused on. you're not healed just because you fall in love. so many parts of it were glossed over and it just felt incredibly insensitive to me.

you know what also royally pissed me off? cole. it's always a dude named cole at the scene of the crime. it's giving jeremiah fisher, being an absolute menace just because of a one-sided beef he has with his brother + treating a woman like a hot potato. absolutely vile behavior. booo

the romance itself felt a bit rushed, especially when we're told from the start that hutch supposedly hates love. it turns out not to be true, but we're led to believe there'll be more reluctance, and it's all a bit too insta love-y??? the way the conflict could've been solved had he talked to katie after the call with cole is just infuriating. ESPECIALLY with cole treating her as a prize to be won and offering her to random drunk men at a bar??? ARE WE OKAY PEOPLE

tl;dr: booooo tomato tomato