old money pink girl meets new money goth girl and things just roll downhill from there

i need to go do a lap ohmygo D !!!!!!!! i'm severely unwelllllll !!!!!! i'll circle back for a proper review later but wow this book chew me up and spat me out 😀 i'm glad i no longer know a life without this book. i truly don't even think there will ever be a day in which i don't think about this book...... 😵‍💫

okay update: wow this book is truly incredible. the way howarth writes is beyond captivating. i felt so seen and so understood with the way adolescent sapphic infatuation, relationship development and mommy issues were written and tackled in this book. it is truly a treat when a sapphic book feels written by an actual sapphic person who has felt and experienced all these things themselves, capturing obsessive desire and hunger for something new that feels difficult to voice in words but is completely undeniable and all the chaos and conflict that arise with those dynamics, especially when religion and conservatism is thrown into the mix.

there were so many quotes in this book that were deliciously rich and others that were painfully honest and real. the entire time i read this, i wasn't sure how exactly the second half was going to unravel but wow did i not expect to feel so much more in the second half when it felt like the first half had already ripped my heart out, chewed it up and spat it back out into my hands.

i found myself sighing deeply, stressing, audibly gasping and just going "oh my god????" over and over as i read. it honestly feels like i went through a transformative journey while reading this. i know there are so many pieces of this story that will cling to my insides like little leeches infiltrating my brain with the pain of this book but which i will happily allow inhabit it because i very much fell head over heels in love with this book and i wish for it to live within me forever.

i desperately need all the edits, all the annotations, quotes, mood boards, anything i can get my hands on to clutch onto this story for a while longer as i am struggling to accept that i will not get to continue following these girls on in their lives.

this is definitely one i should've read wayyyy sooner and i have been kicking myself every day since i first picked this up for having left it on my tbr for so long. please please read this if you haven't already!! 5/5 stars, immediate add to my fav books on all my bookish platforms and most certainly will be in my top 10 books of the year, i just know it!