I appreciated this chapter being much less personal. I dunno if I buy her take on The Eumenides, it's been forever since I even remotely looked at it. Would love to hear from someone more familiar!

But I did like this:

"Fifteen years ago, my mother passed out from altitude sickness, hit her head, and temporarily lost her sense of smell. The problem wasn’t damage to her nose, or to her brain. It was to the connections between them: the nerves that transmitted olfactory signals, that turned air molecules into smells and smells into memories. To get it back, she had to retrain those connections, to take a great whiff of what felt like nothing and say to herself: This is gasoline. This is rotten meat. This is a rose. Learning to be fluent in anger was similar. I knew how to experience the emotion, and I knew (or thought I knew) how to notice when something was unfair, but I’d trained myself out of connecting the two. I had to rebuild the pathway between grief and grievance. That meant learning to recognize the smell of mistreatment, to see it and name it and recognize it as a cause for anger and not for deprecation or self-blame. I listened when other people told me their outrages and took second looks at things I’d laughed away. I took great whiffs of what sometimes felt like nothing: This is misogyny. This is rape culture. This is abuse."

This is such a helpful framework, especially because are so often taught to let things go, not make a big deal, second guess our feelings, etc.. It can become quite hard to recognize and experience our emotions after so many years of conditioning.

"The ex before her was Jane: borderline personality disorder, years of intensive therapy. The ex before that . . . well, he’d hit her once, and he felt terrible about it, and if he ever did it again, he’d kill himself. (He told me this while crying. Men love to cry when they tell you these things.) But yes, he probably wouldn’t have done it if she weren’t so nuts."

_

I am once again asking myself whether it is actually possible that the the author is being serious, and finding that there isn't much to suggest she's being sarcastic or using someone else's words to point out their absurdity.

Edit: Ever since some number of chapters back she said "I don’t mean to suggest that he was exploiting me consciously" about her professor she had a relationship with, who used and manipulated her, I am unsure what to think.

What even is this book at this point... Help?

Ohhhhh the whole premise of this chapter (how women are supposed to hate other women) is just so off. Especially how she goes on to say how she has this writer friend who is amazing and that “it [her friend’s writing] makes me hate myself for not measuring up.”

Are we really still comparing ourselves at this point in the book? We have come all this way on this journey and literally are no further than “I hate myself”??? Where’s the new mythology?!?!?

I’m past wanting to hug her at this point. I’m ready to slap her - one of those slaps that makes one come to one’s senses when caught in a bout of hysteria, you know, so one can breathe again.

I’d love for her to take a deep breath and just be ok with herself. This feels so self-indulgent at this point. Thanks for letting me rant! 🤣

"There is power in talking to each other, in protecting each other, in hearing each other’s grievances, both when they do and don’t match with our own. The fact that they want to cut us off, cauterize us, set us against each other: this is all we need to know that our power will come from alliance."

For all the flaws of this chapter I am glad she talks about this! The way her ex actively cultivated doubt and suspicion between the women in his life is such a good micro example of what society, especially conservative Christian society, does on the macro.

THIS is what gossip is for and this is exactly why men and church has spent so much time and effort demonizing it, pitting women against each other, and heaping expectations upon women in an attempt to keep them too busy to compare notes.

During my time in church this was another thing I came across a lot - women hurting, lonely, nervous, scared and completely unsure if it was ever safe to say anything. Where is the line? What's the difference between updating your friend and maligning your husband? When does it teeter from seeking help with your own shortcomings and turn into sullying his good name?

Okay so we’re jumping right in.

Going into this one without having read Tender is the Flesh and I’m already so disturbed.

Happy Sunday, Boundlings! 💜

It’s been awhile since I’ve done an Itty Bitty Winnies post! I got some less than stellar news this weekend and could use a pick me up! 🙌🏻

I want to hear your micro wins! The small victories that would maybe go unnoticed by others, but felt powerful to you! 👏🏻