My Selling Pitch:
An alien invasion plot that’s been done to death padded with a tone deaf political agenda that thinks it’s woke but is actually pushing the same harmful rhetoric of the conservatives. It reads like a YA, and I have nothing positive to say about it.

On my do not read list.

Pre-reading: A comp was Gretchen Felker-Martin who I love, so I'm hype for this. A book box pick.

(obviously potential spoilers from here on) Thick of it: Nematocysts

the book: I need you to pay attention Samantha’s 🧠: 🫡 ✌️🫥

Gonna go with a big ol’ fuck no.

The aliens came-GIRL

The clothing and diversity dump is being A LOT. Like it just comes off so cringe when you virtue signal like this.

35 with a dorm fridge and roommates is-

This is really, really cringe. Oh no.

It’s just giving autistic.

At least the audiobook is good.

I’m in DNF territory.

So he’s Robert Irwin.

I hate it here.

Update, very not Robert Irwin.

This is painfully preachy like I'm so out.

Like this isn't some diversity mic drop. This is pandering and cringe.

2031 and the government and technology hasn't changed at all. Why not just stick this in ‘24 if you're gonna rail against the current (shitty) politics?

And there's typos gd Grammarly free edition wouldn't miss in the Kindle version.

Dogs>cats any day

Look, I’m liberal bent as they come. I’m a Masshole. This is 👀 Like girl, stop. This is embarrassing. Who are you preaching to? MAGA can’t read. They will not be receiving your messaging in a little sci-fi book.

Also, there’s something infantalizing and patronizing about equating kooky alien shit with actual immigration issues in this fascist dumpster fire we call a country.

Now that bit, actually appropriate. Has the necessary horror slant to it.

It reminds me of Buffalo Hunter Hunter and Lone Women with the fake woke virtue signaling.

This book talks about fashion more than my immortal fanfic. (Is that a deep cut at this point? I'm like the crypt keeper! ((Said in full Jamie Lee Curtis wail)))

So help me god, these earmuffs better be relevant to the plot, or I’m gonna lose it on the editor. (She's just quirky like that.)

Ma’am, you’re in Maine. The trees aren’t that different. She’s pissy there’s not sap. Where do you think maple syrup comes from?

OK, I figured we were getting new side characters, but now if we don’t go back to those roommates being relevant-

Also, this book is so quirky in an unlikable way. I love Olivie Blake and Ali Hazelwood, OK? I am down for cringe and pop culture references. This is crazy.

I think she just called my eye color terrible 🙃

Enough with the pop culture references!

Throw in another woke buzzword and watch me go off a cliff.

Bruh.

What sort of messaging is this? If your loved one comes to you and says they’re an alien you should not blindly believe what they tell you. What the fuck is going on?

Part of loving her is not hurting her if I can avoid it-ma’am, just say you hate enemies to lovers.

Hoo baby, this is not my genre!

Cackling that for once I’m safe in a horror book because I don’t have a sense of smell.

... hey babe, I’m sure it unintentionally intentionally reads just like daddy couldn’t cope with his little girl getting raped so -

It’s so frustrating because I love when we use horror to talk about larger societal issues, but this one is so bad!

I’m so checked out.

Take a shot every time they say plane during this bloated convo.

Literally why am I still reading this? It is godawful.

This dialogue is so fucking circular and pointless.

This book feels like an extreme case of pantser plotting where nothing was cut. Like she just started writing and hoped she would find the story along the way. (Spoiler, she didn't!)

She reminds me of Strat from Hail Mary but like even more comically evil.

Am I done yet omfg.

There’s no book. It’s just shitty liberal preaching.

Who are you lecturing? Who? The people picking up this book are not the ones who need to learn that America’s racist.

I’m having such a bad time 😭

WOW, coming was the WRONG verb/? (Gerund lmao) choice there.

Xenophobia tastes like oranges and grease. Copy that.

Why are aliens always in Arizona/Vegas lmao?

It’s not even an original alien story like-

Bro, I’m so done with thisss.

I’ve been patient for 11.5 hours of a goddamn audiobook.

I’m so brainrotted on smut because I’m like when’s the tentacle porn?

All the aliens playing Zoo Tycoon ffs. (I make this joke like every sci-fi now, but I'll stop doing it when it stops being correct.)

A tumbleweed- so just like that awful Road to Roswell book.

Hey baby, I’m a fungal infection, ain’t that romantic?

For the record, the only character I liked in this book was the Senator, and if you’re like Samantha, you can’t just latch onto every single sociopathic Capricorn you find in literature, watch me.

Also, on this episode of totally incorrect head cannons: all the aliens are Bellsprout, and I don’t even like Pokémon like that.

No, I’m out I quit. The book said sphincter and no one‘s getting fucked. Also, forget incorrect. I’m just actually correct then. If you wanna talk butthole lips? Are we kidding?

Who published this? I wanna talk.

It’s def some bullshit.

The way I’m also like I’ll ditch this body in a heartbeat. Make me immortal, baby! Birthing should never be entirely free of pain is a pretty fucked take from a female author. It’s giving women should do unmedicated births and periods as god and nature intended. Take your intelligent design and shove it up your malformed pelvic girdle.

President Dick for the USA. Not surprised, just disappointed.

Hey, you know what’s really bad optics? Calling trans people a traitor to their species. And I know she doesn’t mean it like that, but when other people refer to them as traitors of their gender, I really think you need to consider your word choice more carefully.

I don’t think fortunate is the right word when you literally said he groomed her. What the actual fuck?

You put the children on the floor instead of in the rocketship seats? Make it make sense.

I can’t resist the temptation of Run Run Rabbit lmao. (Samantha, put the lawyer down. We beg.)

Every book is bears.

She did not just pause falling through the sky to ask for pronouns. What the actual shit. Also, what’s to guarantee another culture/language even has a concept of gender or pronouns? What are we DOING.

I don’t remember this part of Fourth Wing.

This book SUCKS

So does it remake him cis because it would be pretty shit if you’re getting a whole new body and still can't achieve gender euphoria, but would he even be the same person then?

Nope, hard pass on all of this, babe.

Post-reading: I don’t have a single nice thing to say about this damn book. This is your warning lol.

I barely know where to begin. This is an absolute dumpster fire. This book’s blurb is setting people up for disappointment. You’re not getting some new, boundary pushing sci-fi. You’re getting the most rote, cliche, overdone alien plot. It is nearly impossible for you to have not encountered some version of this story before, and I can nearly guarantee no matter what it was, it will have been better than this.

This is an adult novel that at no point reads adult. It is YA to its core. The characters are supposed to be in their mid-thirties but act 17 AT BEST for the entire book.

I like diverse reads. They’re so necessary. It is so important to read from viewpoints that don’t mirror your own. This is dogshit. Characters exist solely to tik diversity boxes. They are devoid of personality outside of their labels. The book is so preachy and soapboxy. The plot gets interrupted by annoying liberal rhetoric every few pages, and it’s preaching to an echo chamber. The audience picking up this book is no stranger to the idea that America is racist and hateful. It’s not nuanced lecturing. Even if you were barely literate, you would have already encountered this book’s talking points. You can't exist in the current climate without hearing them at least in some capacity.

And what gets me so heated is that this book thinks it’s being woke while all it’s actually doing is virtue signaling and arguably pushing forward harmful conservative rhetoric. Trans characters don’t need to be pillars of morality for them to be part of a book’s ethical consumption, however, a relationship that’s violent and that misgenders or misidentifies its players during arguments ain’t it, chief. Calling the trans character a traitor to their species is bad, BAD optics. Similarly, setting up an alien species to mimic immigration issues is pretty fuckin’ shit if you then also make said alien species natural predators there to steal humanity’s resources. Immigrants are not evil creatures sent to rob citizens. We’ve got to stop pushing that narrative.

There’s a way to weave societal issues into your text without halting the action. There were so many points during this book that I was like this is EXACTLY why the republicans hate us and call us libtard snowflakes. A free fall through the sky is not the time to ask about pronouns. There’s bigger fish to fry. If you’re getting hung up on arbitrary grammar construction for two manmade concepts-both pronouns and gender respectively-I need you to reevaluate. There’s time for icebreakers and kumbaying after the world is saved. Get your goddamn priorities in order.

So tldr, the characters are unlikable, the plot’s been done to death, the writing is clunky and stilted and bloated with a tone deaf political agenda, and it’s way too fucking long. I have nothing positive to say about it. There’s not a single redemptive quality to this. I don’t think you should read it. Quite frankly, I’m upset I sat and wasted my time reading it. And at this point, I won’t be trying the author again because this makes two books with the same glaring issues and they were written years apart. Save your time. Save your money. Read literally anything else.

Who should read this: No one? YA sci fi fans Virtue signaling>plot or depth fans

Ideal reading time: Summer

Do I want to reread this: FUCK NO

Would I buy this: FUCK NO

Similar books: • Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir-same book, dude bro font. Sci-fi • The Road to Roswell by Connie Willis-same book, rom com font. Sci-fi, ensemble cast, road trip • Cuckoo by Gretchen Felker-Martin-queer horror, It retelling • I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I’m Trapped in a Rom-Com by Kimberly Lemming-aliens play Zoo Tycoon again but make it campy smut • Lone Women by Victor LaValle-historical horror, virtue signaling • The Buffalo Hunter Hunter by Stephen Graham Jones-historical horror, Dracula homage, virtue signaling