honestly, it was just alright. the plot, characters, and world building lacks a lot of depth though. i feel like i can clearly see- oh this is violet, these are her traits, this is her story- and that’s it. like everyone and every place has a defining thing that is mentioned but i feel like despite these characteristics, nothing is really shown. it’s a lot of tell and not as much show. the romance is pretty cliche and it’s basically exactly what you’d expect from a book like this. it doesn’t bring anything special in that area. the most interesting part of this book for me is the glimpses we get into the rest of the world. but, like everything else, it kinda falls flat. it’s like… here is this place. the author has decided this thing will happen here and that is all. okay. next place. and that’s… it. none of it really breathes life into the world like i would hope. that being said, the flow of everything is pretty nice. if i got bored, it wasn’t for too long. there were a couple moments that had me gagged.

This was insane. This was gripping. Brutal. Showcasing some incredibly harsh truths about the world in the most gut-wrenching and jaw-dropping way imaginable. I couldn't put it down. Crane is a lovable protagonist, for all of his eccentricities. He is into a lot of odd shit, but you can't help but feel for him. The entire book, he is dying for autonomy. Like many of my dear autistic friends, he's also dying for someone to just tell him what to do. Just tell him. Make it easy. But when the hive he trusts with his life, his identity, fails him by getting him pregnant- it calls into question what he's built the past few years on. The hive is ultimately the one claiming the right to his body. The parallels between this and real life is, of course, apparent. Roe v. Wade, trans rights, everything. Even though I'm not transitioning, I resonated with a lot of this and saw a lot of what my friends go through reflected in Crane's struggles. As someone who has a vagina, the idea of my bodily autonomy being stolen from me is something I have to consider in my everyday life. I'm lucky I have never gotten pregnant. I don't want kids, and like Crane, pregnancy to me would be like a parasite. Especially because of my own fears, I found this to be particularly visceral and heartbreaking. I would feel exactly how he does. And I've said for a long time the same course of action he desires to take. But. That scene. Oh my god, that scene. 94% in. With my laptop on my lap forgotten, holding my phone screen up to my face with my hand over my mouth in horror, I was........ stunned. I read it back over. Yeah. Definitely what I read. But, holy fucking shit. I had already been devouring the book, no pun intended, but I inhaled the rest of it even faster. Wow. I still don't know how to feel. Horrified? Glad? Relieved? Sickened? He took back his autonomy. And he's right in doing what he did. I think? If he didn't, who knows what would have happened. I can't help but think things like surely there was another way. But I'm also not going to say I wouldn't flip the fuck out in that situation in my own way. Just. Wow. The way it was foreshadowed, too. I'm going to be thinking of that for weeks. Andrew Joseph White. What is wrong with you for writing this? Can you do it again? Sincerely, a now disturbed yet intrigued individual.