Methinks that as a society we need to evaluate our expectations for people working in the service industry. Reading about their training is making me realise how exhausting that performative politeness must be! And for it to be expected the whole time you're on the job. I couldn't survive a few hours there. But I also don't have the personality for it at all. Sometimes because I can't handle something I forget that there are other people out there with the skills I lack- e.g., some people absolutely love being of help every time and ensuring everyone is having a pleasant time. My god I just couldn't do it. I'm sure I'd even feel my muscles giving up from all the smiling. I have a default RBF and I'm realising smiling requires a lot of energy from me. It's just not my natural state at all. Is it something that I can learn over time? Maybe.

Anyway, on a serious note, I hope there is an alternative reality where I won't be shamed for not having a natural cheerful demeanour (cause boy I have and even though it came from a good place, I don't think that was fair/nice). Some of us RBF girlies are just like that and we can't help it. I've tried so hard to fix my face and even when I think I'm smiling someone always has to ask why I'm so mad. Eh, tiring to say the least. I know we're social beings and what not, and there are signals we send that influence how others perceive us, but gosh can't we just meet halfway? The more I smile, the more inauthentic I am to the natural tension of my muscles, and it really depresses me or makes me feel like I'm not me. Interestingly though, laughing I'm very okay with. And I'll laugh about pretty much everything. I just don't know why smiling takes so much from me. Wow, this was a very unexpected reflection but a most needed one.

I've been keeping up with the new series, but not so much the book. There are so many differences. I was unaware of this because I only ever read The Handmaid's Tale and haven't watched the series. As I was skimming through the book, trying to get clues or answers related to the television series, I realized names, people, and events were changed. I like the Testaments show, and believe that it's really well done, but it's not really following the book and I believe that has to do with the Handmaid's Tale show going off interpretation and not a book that created discrepancies. Anyways, it just confused me.