TLDR: great if you see yourself represented in the characters or have never met/read about/seen a trans person in your life; otherwise very much a "baby's first look at trans discourse" type beat

I'm sorry in advance for the hearts I'm about to break with this review; if you loved this book, I'm so glad! I can see why it's adored by so many given the not-oft seen representation here (the MC Yadriel is a young transmasc latinx gay man early in transition). My half star is mainly for this inclusion. Note: I did the audiobook and had massive problems with the narrator which certainly affected my rating. I realize I'm in the minority here. My issue was the over theatrical delivery and random emphasis of unimportant words that made it difficult to follow (ex: the dagger was laying to the left, and a BREEZE cooled Yadriel's face. what??)

As for the story itself: it is extremely YA. I am not a YA girlie, but I can certainly appreciate it. I loved Who Kissed Shara Wheeler and Don't Let the Forest In, which seem like apt comparisons given the queer representation in both those books. While those books felt mature and handled the rep with such care, this did not. This felt distinctly middle grade and not YA, despite heavy themes. The writing was choppy, heavy handed, very tell don't show. We were spoon fed details and bashed over the head with Yadriel's identity, rather than slipping into his world and letting him show us who he is. Every scene was an opportunity to talk about Yadriel's transness, and the hardship he faced. Yadriel's running through the cemetery? His binder's itchy. Yadriel's talking to his grandma? She misgenders him. Yadriel's eating lunch? He's thinking about his curves. I want to know all these details and how his identity shapes him, but it needs to blend with the narration to feel authentic. The execution was more like: here is scene. here is obligatory aside about transness. back to scene. We completely missed out on who Yadriel was outside of his transness; I had no sense of Yadriel the young man, only Yadriel the transmasc.

I get that rep was likely the main motivator of this book, but again it felt extremely heavy handed and incongruent with the rest of the world building. Yadriel has to deal with hardened LA street teens who are... openly gay and trans? His extremely traditional community who has a hard time accepting him call themselves... brujx, with the progressive non-gendered x? They're trying to determine who the murderer is (described as over 6 ft tall and strong enough to overpower a strong young man) and we get a lecture about how gendering him is wrong because women can be tall and strong too?

I could have overlooked these points, especially because the author is a part of the communities represented (and hey, who am I to judge how they want to write for their own community?) but the story did not redeem the experience. The "romance" was unbelievable to the point that I felt awkward rather than giddy when it finally manifested on-page, and the twists and larger plot points were guessable from early on (which contributes to the middle grade feel).

I'm glad this book exists for young people needing to see themselves in literature; many other reviews point out how refreshing it is to finally see themselves in a book. But, if you're on the "outside" of these identities and were hoping to learn more or gain a deeper understanding, I don't think this is the book for you (again, unless you've never read about a trans person before in your life).