notbillnye's Book Journey
notbillnye started reading...
11w
Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You'd Rather Cancel
Loretta Ross
oh i fear this book is going to completely change how i view every situation but especially online. Ross gives me such a clear framework for how call-out culture functions and how call outs work and fail in relationships, and now that i have language and a pattern to examine i don't think i'll be able to stop myself from seeing it everywhere
what's really sticking out to me is the way Ross pulls apart the difference between calling out as a legitimate action and call-out culture as a social environment. harm exists on a scale, and call outs are useful in certain situations, but they are often a last resort - especially when power is unreachable or trust has already been exhausted
mostly, this is giving me language to understand why so much online discourse feels impossible to resolve. it's the way a real structural grievance gets attached to the wrong target. someone's anger about real systems that deserve that anger gets misplaced into the nearest available person, artist, or platform. people become containers and symbols for systemic injustice. Ross naming this as abstraction is so precise
and online, the way call-out culture has progressed means that every instance of harm, every mistake, and every interaction is treated at the level of a five-alarm fire, the most extreme act of violence on the scale, and thus met with calling out (aka the most extreme, last resort action)
it creates an environment where nothing means anything anymore because everything is treated with the same degree of severity. then the real violence and harm gets lost, drowned out by people talking past each other about clumsy comments or minor offenses
it's not about not being angry or not naming harm, but to be more disciplined with the tools we use. who has power, who can actually change conditions? is this a first resort or a last resort? is the goal accountability, public warning, repair, or is it punishment or emotional release? those questions feel especially relevant online, where outrage can look like action even when it doesn't build much beyond fear, defensiveness, or tribalism
in a way, under call-out culture, calling out can also become a performance. when it comes from unprocessed emotion, it can become a moral defense, a way to prove to ourselves and others that we are on the "right side" of a situation. as Ross says, "the point of protests becomes not to take a stand but to be seen taking a stand". call-outs are not inherently wrong, but when call-out culture becomes the default environment, the effects are disproportionate and muddied
so many good quotes from this chapter, but i love especially how Ross points out the surveillance and lateral violence that call-out or cancel culture enables and encourages. it's one thing to call-out those with power (politicians, public figures, high-level executives), but wielding call-outs like a weapon eventually means the violence will come back to those closest to us, preventing transformation and progress
"When we engage in this behavior, we hamper efforts at healing and accountability, embracing instead the disposability politics of the prison industrial complex: punishing, silencing, segregating, and exiling. If these tactics don’t reduce crime with all the power of the state behind them, why should we expect them to be effective tools for the human rights movement?"
Loretta Ross, oh how you spoke to me. An essential guide and reminder to anyone who deems themself caring or a part of community growth and radical, transformative justice
it's tricky how to review this book. it's not preachy, but not gentle. it's direct in its purpose, with kindness and lessons that are digestible and applicable. it's when the righteous rage just doesn't feel welcome, or useful, and the feeling that something else has got to happen for us to be and make the change we desire. when choosing the moral-high-ground, or becoming a keyboard warrior gets us nowhere. whether in a digital space or in our one-on-one personable relationships, Ross provides a rejuvenating recollection of her own moments of choosing when to call out vs. when to call in through her activism journey. yet, through that guiding path, she also gives key moments for others to learn when and how to do either, and the necessary reflection we as activists, as community members, as people have to evaluate each scenario in its singularity and also keeping the bigger, radical picture in mind
what i'm stunned with is how comforting and eye-opening this book is. if you engage in any activism, the internet and some, if not many, of our personal relationships are fraught with tension, pain, and either mis-to-zero communication. Ross doesn't lead you, but walks beside you as you read; giving space for our own internal evaluation of the times we've called out others or have been called out ourselves. what did that do for us? and what did that do to us? and the biggest question of all: where does that leave us moving forward?
we can sit here all day and identify rage bait and leftist/liberal circlejerks (credit to a pb user for this phrase), but what i'm reminded of is just how depleted and angry i feel in any shape or form afterwards. Calling In gives a new face and perspective with a similar like-minded book, Let This Radicalize You by Kelly Hayes and Mariame Kaba, that our activism should bring JOY to our work. joy doesn't negate pain and discomfort — Ross uses examples of her own experience as a child of incest and SA, and her career working with abusers — but at the end of our day, we must care more about the space we create and invite others into than doubling down on our own sense of self-assured justice, furthering the divide that gets us nowhere
it's important to note that Ross doesn't sugarcoat or rose-colored glasses that calling in is easy or always an option. but the community we want and the community we build should matter more than always being "right" or "pure" to get there. our community must be created by choice, and part of that is choosing to let people in; choosing to let people make mistakes and to learn; choosing to hold forgiveness and accountability together; choosing each other for the future we want
notbillnye commented...
7w
i really hope you enjoy it! and yes, i 100% agree — we've gone so far to alienate people from fearing making any mistake, any action either doesn't exist or reverts any progress or cause. there's such a subversion to feeling like we have to be morally right, factually correct all the time and anyone who doesn't inherently know/understand/agree is 100% incorrect, horrible, etc., it's disheartening and actually keeps us from where we want to go
i found Ross's connection to accountability and forgiveness really powerful and also just a remind for my own failings in my activism as well as comparing my internal standard to others that may not have the same level of education, access to information, access to people, etc. we gotta stop screaming at people through a metaphorical door acting like they can hear a word we're saying and then getting mad when they can't
Loretta Ross, oh how you spoke to me. An essential guide and reminder to anyone who deems themself caring or a part of community growth and radical, transformative justice
it's tricky how to review this book. it's not preachy, but not gentle. it's direct in its purpose, with kindness and lessons that are digestible and applicable. it's when the righteous rage just doesn't feel welcome, or useful, and the feeling that something else has got to happen for us to be and make the change we desire. when choosing the moral-high-ground, or becoming a keyboard warrior gets us nowhere. whether in a digital space or in our one-on-one personable relationships, Ross provides a rejuvenating recollection of her own moments of choosing when to call out vs. when to call in through her activism journey. yet, through that guiding path, she also gives key moments for others to learn when and how to do either, and the necessary reflection we as activists, as community members, as people have to evaluate each scenario in its singularity and also keeping the bigger, radical picture in mind
what i'm stunned with is how comforting and eye-opening this book is. if you engage in any activism, the internet and some, if not many, of our personal relationships are fraught with tension, pain, and either mis-to-zero communication. Ross doesn't lead you, but walks beside you as you read; giving space for our own internal evaluation of the times we've called out others or have been called out ourselves. what did that do for us? and what did that do to us? and the biggest question of all: where does that leave us moving forward?
we can sit here all day and identify rage bait and leftist/liberal circlejerks (credit to a pb user for this phrase), but what i'm reminded of is just how depleted and angry i feel in any shape or form afterwards. Calling In gives a new face and perspective with a similar like-minded book, Let This Radicalize You by Kelly Hayes and Mariame Kaba, that our activism should bring JOY to our work. joy doesn't negate pain and discomfort — Ross uses examples of her own experience as a child of incest and SA, and her career working with abusers — but at the end of our day, we must care more about the space we create and invite others into than doubling down on our own sense of self-assured justice, furthering the divide that gets us nowhere
it's important to note that Ross doesn't sugarcoat or rose-colored glasses that calling in is easy or always an option. but the community we want and the community we build should matter more than always being "right" or "pure" to get there. our community must be created by choice, and part of that is choosing to let people in; choosing to let people make mistakes and to learn; choosing to hold forgiveness and accountability together; choosing each other for the future we want
notbillnye commented...
5w
tysm! def think it's worth everyone's time reading imo 🙂↕️
Loretta Ross, oh how you spoke to me. An essential guide and reminder to anyone who deems themself caring or a part of community growth and radical, transformative justice
it's tricky how to review this book. it's not preachy, but not gentle. it's direct in its purpose, with kindness and lessons that are digestible and applicable. it's when the righteous rage just doesn't feel welcome, or useful, and the feeling that something else has got to happen for us to be and make the change we desire. when choosing the moral-high-ground, or becoming a keyboard warrior gets us nowhere. whether in a digital space or in our one-on-one personable relationships, Ross provides a rejuvenating recollection of her own moments of choosing when to call out vs. when to call in through her activism journey. yet, through that guiding path, she also gives key moments for others to learn when and how to do either, and the necessary reflection we as activists, as community members, as people have to evaluate each scenario in its singularity and also keeping the bigger, radical picture in mind
what i'm stunned with is how comforting and eye-opening this book is. if you engage in any activism, the internet and some, if not many, of our personal relationships are fraught with tension, pain, and either mis-to-zero communication. Ross doesn't lead you, but walks beside you as you read; giving space for our own internal evaluation of the times we've called out others or have been called out ourselves. what did that do for us? and what did that do to us? and the biggest question of all: where does that leave us moving forward?
we can sit here all day and identify rage bait and leftist/liberal circlejerks (credit to a pb user for this phrase), but what i'm reminded of is just how depleted and angry i feel in any shape or form afterwards. Calling In gives a new face and perspective with a similar like-minded book, Let This Radicalize You by Kelly Hayes and Mariame Kaba, that our activism should bring JOY to our work. joy doesn't negate pain and discomfort — Ross uses examples of her own experience as a child of incest and SA, and her career working with abusers — but at the end of our day, we must care more about the space we create and invite others into than doubling down on our own sense of self-assured justice, furthering the divide that gets us nowhere
it's important to note that Ross doesn't sugarcoat or rose-colored glasses that calling in is easy or always an option. but the community we want and the community we build should matter more than always being "right" or "pure" to get there. our community must be created by choice, and part of that is choosing to let people in; choosing to let people make mistakes and to learn; choosing to hold forgiveness and accountability together; choosing each other for the future we want
© 2025 Pagebound
notbillnye commented...
10w
hot diggity damn i love this book and this post 🧠✨
very much feeling the weight and eye-opening of seeing how this is in all social online spaces. i've enjoyed how Ross strips down what feels like a complicated process to a more practical outlook. i agree, once seen, i can't unsee and i'm thankful for it
i appreciate how Ross gives space to the purpose of call-outs but shares the predictable fallouts that don't help or can make the situation worse, and how even with good intention, the other "party" can respond with the 5 Ds: Demonize, Defend, Dictate, Distract, and Deflect. each of these, i could quickly identify either times i've done this in my own personal circle or seen others do in person/online
likewise, the expansion on how callouts are at the root about power, not purpose, which reminded about how intent vs. impact are always linked, and how we collectively weaponize moral standings to separate ourselves from others which can lead to alienating to (lack of a better way to say it) a circle jerk especially in spaces, whether political or personal, accountability matters but it's also on us to evaluate the desired result of the accountability as well
Ross expands a bit more on this in ch. 3 but the realistic idea of call outs only leading to separation from the change we want, and if our intended goal is radical change, we can't only association with copy versions of ourselves (the 90%) but focus more on the common ground with people who care about the same thing but from a different angle or experience (50%-75%)
i'm seeing myself re-reading this book yearly if not seasonally 🙂↕️