An acerbic, unflinching commentary on the messy, cavernous laceration of girlhood.

Half His Age is a story about feminine rage, but not the screaming, crying, throwing dishes kind. It's the quiet aftermath. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, staring at your mascara-streaked tear stains in the mirror as the last scrap of imagined power drains out of you, feeling hollow and slightly humiliated as you settle into the realization that you're trapped in a cycle that you can't quite name.

It's a story about agency, and lack thereof. How systems and cycles outside of our control force us into survival, force us into clawing for anything that brings relief, anything that we can latch onto for control, anything to satiate the empty feeling we don't want to address. Even when we know it's not good for us, we cling to it anyway.

It's a brutally realistic portrayal of a girl parentified, who learned early on that being chosen and being loved meant self-abandonment, meant playing a role, meant picking up the pieces of everyone around her even if it meant falling apart.

Each chapter is told like a snapshot memory, focusing in on a single detail as it zooms out to capture the scene in its entirety. McCurdy's writing is raw and full of a clarity that demands rapt attention. The short chapters mean that every word matters, every symbol is packed with meaning, every moment is layered with threads begging to be unraveled.

The narrative centers entirely on Waldo's inner monologue to a claustrophobic degree. Her inner state seesaws between numb cynicism and frantic, all-consuming anxiety. Many of her thoughts are twisted reflections of the harsh lessons learned through parentification, through cultural conditioning and societal expectation. In every moment, Waldo's emotional state is almost unbearably palpable. She's unreliable but legible, impulsive but empathetic.

Your eyes want to look away, to spare her from having witnesses to her dysfunction, but behind it is a low-grade hum of resignation as you feel the inevitability coming toward you in every choice she makes. Yet your heart wants to keep watching, propelled forward by clinging to the tiniest shred of hope that she might hit a wall, wake up, and escape the cycle. Because if Waldo can escape the cycle, it might mean that you can, too.

Threaded through Waldo's experience are McCurdy's ruminations on systems that tear away the agency of women and girls. Capitalism that forces us into competition, consumerism that sells us products to fix issues invented by the market, patriarchy that teaches us that being chosen by a man is the ultimate form of salvation. That if we look and act just so, and buy the right products to get us there, and consume the right content that makes us one nudge better than the girls around us, we might get lucky enough to be chosen, to mean something, to matter.

It examines the idea of desire from a feminine perspective, its imposed limitations and expectations. The false sense of agency that women are given by performing sexuality, because it's the only place their needs and desires can be contained without being minimized, ridiculed, or dismissed.

Deeply uncomfortable, intentional, and wrapped in rough edges and messy choices that don't ask for forgiveness, just a witness.

I received an ALC of this title in exchange for an honest review.

DNF - the absolute worst of dudebro misogyny, nerdy wish fulfillment, and bottom tier juvenile humor (the llama does meth!) all narrated by Kronk from Emperor’s New Groove

Now that I’ve finally tried it people will hopefully stop recommending it to me (they won’t)

🥂 to the people we get to become without the weight of narcissist parents. phenomenal memoir, phenomenal audio, and I'm very excited to continue following Jennette's writing career.