I've had this book lightly on my radar (a couple weeks until release as of this writing) since reading the author's memoir I'm Glad My Mom Died, but I was mostly curious, not exactly chomping at the bit for it. I'm certainly chomping now - I just listened to an interview of Jennette McCurdy by Alex Cooper on her podcast Call Her Daddy that has shot it right to the top of my most anticipated list.

In McCurdy's words:

"I'm really interested in themes of desire and power and the things that we desire being confused for some form of power." "underneath, [this book is] really about desire, and loneliness, and why do we desire things that might not be good for us, and why do we so desperately paw at the things that we desire even if we know deep down they're not good for us, why do we still pursue them so relentlessly, so exhaustively, at the expense of, often times, our own self esteem, our own self worth?" "I hope it sparks conversations around desire and power [...] and also loneliness."

So basically, key themes here are desire, power, and loneliness, wrapped in the package of a high school senior relentlessly pursuing her teacher despite her own internal conflict. Okay Miss McCurdy, say less. I'm there.

She shares in the interview some of her personal experiences in an inappropriate age-gap relationship (which readers of the memoir did get a look into) as well as other unhealthy relationships, and says that despite being fiction, this book is very much infuses her own self into the narrative since her writing processes her lived experience. She says it "can't not be" a personal work. Some things she spoke to in particular where I expect to find echoes of herself in the MC (Waldo):

• Going along with the discussion of desire and power and loneliness in the book, in her own experience of feeling insecure in relationships where her needs weren't being met, she says "I'd really crave sex, I'd really want sex. Sex for me was a means of finding commitment, was a misguided means of assuming I'd found commitment, a misguided means of assuming I'd found attachment, a misguided means of assuming I'd found safety, but the second that the two of us cum, it's gone. It's fucking gone."
• She says Waldo is who she wishes she could have been at 18. Bolder and braver than herself. McCurdy can say and do things through her that she may not say or do herself because fiction gives her that opportunity.

The interview is phenomenal and I'd highly recommend it especially for those who have read her memoir already. There are plenty of other great peeks into her writing process, like discussions on when this idea first originated for her and her decision on whether to include an epilogue or not. Also - she wants and plans to keep writing fiction!!

I listened to this podcast interview for Jennette McCurdy which seemed primarily intended to promote and speak on her upcoming fictional release, Half His Age, but the first half hour or so was actually focused on this memoir and her early life and reflections on the two.

The main inspiration for this post was a desire to share with others her comment that she has been able to let go of a significant amount of anger towards her mom thanks not only to the writing of the memoir, but it's reception. Alex Cooper is a phenomenal interviewer and it was really moving actually how many times McCurdy said "UGH, YES EXACTLY!!!" when it was clear that she was being heard and understood. I imagine that's what her experience has been with so many of us reading and loving this book.

A couple comments about her feelings on her mom now which I think really show the acceptance and peace she feels with the situation now.

"[spoiler event] let me consider that maybe [my mom] didn't have my best interest at heart, because she couldn't. Because she wasn't capable of that" "I know she was trying her best and it also makes me sad that was her best"

Another interesting tidbit was she commented a little on the production of the TV adaptation. One thing that caught my attention was her saying that for "writing you're rewarded for being truthful and producing you're kind of rewarded for not being truthful." I thought that was interesting? By the sounds of it there's a lot more egos and legal concerns and opinions involved in the adaptation than in the memoir, so I wonder how it'll turn out. I'm not sure yet if I'll be watching since I do think the content could be quite upsetting to have not just the narrative but also the audio and visual elements, but I do hope she's happy with the result.

How do we hope without a map—without being able to glimpse some identifiable point in the future where things might get better? And how do we act, if we don't know where our hope will come from?

Hey is it normal to already be near tears just at the promise of reading a book full of people "stubbornly practicing hope" amidst these very bleak times? Asking for a friend... (as shocks no one, it's me, I'm the friend, in a phase of life where I'm very much looking to better align my behavior (job/hobbies/general approach to life) with my beliefs)

nearing the halfway mark and i just want to express how much i am LOVING this book. i’m really really enjoying it.

and for anyone wondering: it’s still just as hard to understand what Joseph is saying than it was at the beginning😂

Sexy and dangerous? Misunderstood and grouchy? Gentle and funny? Brutal and scary?

Tell me your favourite type of vampire and why! I’d love to know if your type is represented in this quest, and what books we can find your beloved type in!

I’m just a girl who loves her vamps hella sexy and dangerous 😝 Some of my favourites are… - Gabriel from Empire of the Vampire - Raihn from The Serpent & the Wings of Night - Carmilla from Hungerstone

But also, special mention to Good Stab in The Buffalo Hunter Hunter who is his own special blend of (respectfully) sexy and (seriously) dangerous.