Unbelievable how the experience of being a woman with a “mysterious illness” has barely changed from 1892 to today. Really highlights the isolation of feeling bad but being told you’re healthy, the doctors didn’t find anything wrong.

Some quotes that struck me:

“If a physician of high standing, and one’s husband, assures friends and relatives that there is really nothing the matter with one but temporary nervous depression — a slight hysterical tendency — what is one to do?”

“Nobody would believe what an effort it is to do what little I am able — to dress and entertain, and order things.”

“I think sometimes that if I were only well enough to write a little, it would relieve the press of ideas and rest me. But I find I get pretty tired when I try.”

“I cry at nothing, and cry most of the time.”

“I wish I could get well faster.” 💔

Okay looks like this is my hear me out book... So please walk with me here and hear me out. You'll need that kind of patience anyway if you're going to read this book.

To get it out of the way first because I know you saw the cover and maybe read the blurb: yes, this book is a portal fantasy about a sexually transmitted city. Accordingly, this book contains a lot of sex. However, the sex in this book is NOT sexy. The branding suggests that it will be, you would expect it to be, but it is not (and that is the point), and I do think that's helpful to know going into it. If you are looking for a steamy smutty saucy book, this is not it. If you are interested in thinking about sex not just as a corporeal but as a cerebral act, and you are comfortable getting extremely uncomfortable with highly intentional portrayals of taboo and addiction and even murky consent, absolutely keep reading.

Now, that said, the book description does purport the book to be a "lyrically erotic spell of a place where the grotesque and the beautiful reside," and with that I cannot disagree. Even before saying anything about the structure of the book or characters, let me try to throw some more words at you full of contradictions that attempt to capture the atmosphere of this book and its themes and yet surely fall short. Erotic and grotesque and beautiful, yes. Whimsical and industrial. Full of devotion and torment. Quicksand and tar and freedom. Desperation. Things terrible and devastating. Lush, cloying. Fanatical. Expansive. It is offensive, abrasive, challenging, unpalatable. It's also wonderous, beautiful, fantastical, unbelievable. Gripping. A fever dream. Parasitic. A bloody sacrificial thing. Haunting. Hopeful. Visceral, but spiritual as well. A biblically accurate angel. Not dystopia or utopia but heaven and hell and purgatory. Alive. Catching. Reverent. Obsessive. Damnation and absolution. It festers. A book that is all dissonance and likely not for well adjusted healthy people. You might find rainbows and butterflies and it will cost you.

Still on board? Intrigued? Then let me get more specific as I sing Valente's praises. The premise is fascinating and bold, obviously. The narrative voice was one of the most interesting I've read in a long, long time. The characters were so distinct and strange (positive) and I managed to get pretty deeply attached to most of them without seeing it coming. The multiculturalism I felt was done really well, and while I can't find confirmation, the main characters seem very autistic-coded too, in a highly nuanced way. Queerness is implicit. The way the POVs were interwoven was also so ambitious and I'd say shockingly successful. There were some intense religious and political themes which totally snuck up on me, and I was really pleased with how this book folded in that commentary and sort of pulled the reader to that unexpected place, with so many turns that leave you in the same place you started but with a completely different view. I think in many ways, the reader becomes a character too. The writing is absolutely gorgeous; if you hate purple prose you will despise this book, but if you love it grab a highlighter and a dictionary while you're at it because I think Valente was a thesaurus in a past life. There is a LOT of dark and triggering content (self harm, suicide, incest, violence, body horror, addiction, fatphobia, ableism, and I'm sure others) so please be aware and look into that first if you need to.

All that said, if you read all this and are interested in being taken to this world on the other side of sleep which drives people to madness, buckle up and maybe I'll see you there.