Okay here are some full thoughts I wrote down. Like full ass convo overall.

I kind of plowed through the rest of this in one day and I didn't want to stop. Basically tells a lot about the Trojan War, going through ten years of it. It also expresses how evidently Achilles is scared of dying 'cause in all ten years he manages to avoid killing Prince Hector, who is the greatest warrior on the other side, while Achilles is the greatest warrior on the Greeks' side. I think he's also afraid of leaving Patroclus alone. But in doing so, it affects the legacy he begins to leave behind.

Achilles' greatest fault is how much he craves a beloved legacy to leave behind. He wants that fame. If he's prophesied to die, then he wants all the glory that will live on for ages. He wants to be like one of the greats—like Heracles, his father Peleus, etc— and so he does so much to be the good guy. Charismatic, witty, tongue-in-cheek, a general who listens to the woes of the other soldiers, rather than a dictator like Agamemnon. But in avoiding killing Hector, he manages to set back to war for a decade, and people start wondering why Hector is still alive when Achilles could easily end his life the way he ends the lives of other Trojans and innocent civilians.

Around the end of the book, you can really see how imperfect Achilles is. I think it's brilliant considering for most of the book, through Patroclus' POV, we see how... perfect and god-like he seems. He was raised in the castle oh Phthia as a prince and is the son of a sea nymph goddess. He kind of has a lot of privilege and it shows how much he relies on that nepotism and being used to getting his way, and how that's kind of his downfall in a way. He and Agamemnon are unfortunately so alike and so full of pride that they would rather the world burn than be begging for forgiveness or begging for what they need and want.

I also love that they bring back the story of Meleager being brought back when it was being told to them as kids and they clearly didn't care. It's a really masterful callback and Achilles' and Patroclus' story does mirror that but unfortunately Achilles' love for his honor and pride and legacy outweighs his love for Patroclus, I believe, in that moment. It's actually really unfortunate how you can see Patroclus become a little disillusioned with the man he's known and loved for like 18 years be so indifferent about Briseis' and other soldiers' fate.

We can see this too when they're walking through the camps and Patroclus knows all of their names and Achilles says something about how they look all the same to them and that it's more important they remember him, than him remembering them. It's the way Patroclus and so many soldiers could've not died if pride was swallowed. But it also begs the question with all of the prophecies! Achilles kept saying he's at the Trojan War of his own free will. But is he??? He was told very young that he was destined to be the greatest warrior and he wanted to see it fulfilled. So when he was presented with the choice to go or not to, he decides he has to because he was born for it. And then his desire for fame everlasting even after death seems to fill him. He has a big ego actually.

There's a lot of play with fate vs free will in this. Especially when Patroclus tells Achilles, hey, fine, don't go, but I'll wear your armor and go in your place. The narration says something like the words go through him as if they weren't his, but from a god. So perhaps, many of the decisions are in fact not free will and made from the gods. No matter what occurs, the gods will make them choose certain paths. I even think this is evident when Patroclus is in his armor and completely disregards the instructions from Achilles and Automedon to not fight and he starts fucking throwing spears. And look good on him he actually does some damage, but in the process Apollo fucking bodies him and allows Hector the chance to kill him, which sets of Achilles' bloodlust for Hector, and then sets off his own death after he achieves such vengeance.

I also just don't know what to make of Thetis a lot of the time because she hates Patroclus. I assumed, deep down, it was because she knew his death would cause Achilles' death through the whole butterfly effect. Or perhaps Patroclus' love for Briseis is what sets off Achilles' strike from the war effort but not because of Briseis, but more because Agamemnon took his war prize and it's an insult and disrespectful. Like she loathes Patroclus, and then raises Neo who is... an absolute sociopath at 12 years old. I guess the difference is that Achilles was mostly entirely raised on humans, and love, with the occasional hello from mom in the night. Neo is raised by a goddess and divinity in general. Then in the end, when she's standing with Patroclus' spirit and he's showing her memories of Achilles he had that she never got to really witness, she gives him the peace he craves. Like okay you saw he loved him but how was that not obvious in 18 years? She saw it as a weakness? And grandkid was actually evil. Which, Patroclus does point out, and she doesn't say anything but it seems she may have not loved how Neo turned out without voicing it. So maybe she has a lot of regret overall, perhaps with Achilles and it's why she keeps visiting the burial site and having some relief with Patroclus since he's the closest connection she has to him. Thetis is a very complicated character. But so is Peleus isn't he? Like he "conquered" her. And yet he seemed a kind father. But... he had that monster in him and perhaps Thetis, as a goddess, a woman, very much like other divinities, have to prove their strength and their intimidation and be a certain way so she is not seemed as weak.

Lots to think about.

Anyway, either way, again this story was great. I loved the romance, as heartbreaking as it was in the later chapters. This is a true bury your gays story. I guess people can be upset about that trope, and I get it, but there are other happier gay books to read. This is just not one, but the journey was so lovely.