faerymo commented on a post
If I...pretend that this book is YA. And that this characters are 14 and not in their mid-thirties. And I close my eyes to the head-switching and weird comma splicing and indulgent asides (Hodgson, your editor HATES YOU), I can just barely power through this. Example of what I mean by 'YA writing' from an early character introduction:
“I’m right here,” Cain protested, pointing at himself. He was lying on his back, shirtless, balancing a bowl of chicken wings on his chest. “You can’t miss me. Unless I’ve turned invisible. Have I turned invisible?” ... “That’s hurtful. I was going to share my chicken wings with you—” “No you weren’t.” “—but now I won’t.” Cain sat up, only to discover the bowl was empty. “What? Where did you go?” he demanded of the missing wings.
Here's another character introduction:
The door to the main apartment flew back, revealing a young white woman dressed in kitchen uniform. She was tiny, and overjoyed. “High Scholar—welcome home!” She danced on the spot, weaving her shoulders from side to side. “That’s my welcome home dance. Wow, this is so exciting, thank you so much for this opportunity, your rooms are awesome.” She sang the last word.
Post from the The Raven Scholar (The Eternal Path, #1) forum
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The Raven Scholar (The Eternal Path, #1)
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