This book tore me UP.

I’ve never seen this play on a haunted house. I’ve never read a book that revealed parts of my childhood. I thought I was alone. I facetimed my sister as soon as I finished the book. She answered and I just burst out crying.

Both of us always say, no matter the dream, the location is always our childhood home or our grandmother’s home. No matter what. It’s taken lots of time to understand why. We always talk about it like a haunting and it’s because it is.

As I’ve said in another post. This book takes “what happens in this house stays in this house even at the detriment to the children and their sanity” and personifies it.

It’s heartbreaking and so moving. I finished and I was so deeply proud of Ezri, Eve, and Emmanuelle and even Elijah. Everybody’s doing their best and that’s not a small thing.

God this book. I think it may be one of the saddest books I’ve read. Sad in a subtle way. It’s a book that also knows it’s sad. Towards the end I was so frustrated with David. I too began to get as disgusted wth him as he was with himself. I hated how much of a coward he was. Hated the self-loathing and the self-betrayal. And then I realized he was a mirror in some ways and this is why James Baldwin is 1 of 1.

I believe Giovanni’s Room asks us if we see now what denying ourselves does to those we love or want to love? How does self-betrayal beget death? Why are we all so afraid and bent on ruining ourselves to uphold this fear? Ugh 😩 this book was heartbreaking and the prose was immaculate.

I also came across this Substack piece: James Baldwin Grooming and What We Don’t Talk About, Part 1 while reading this book and paired together it gave me so much to think and talk about. Phew. I’m sure I’ll cry soon.

I read it but does it even matter? Does anything? It doesn’t really make a difference. Reading this book is worth just as much as not reading this book. We’re all gonna die anyway. Does God care that I read this book? The sun is in my eye. Pow. 💥 Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. 💥 It’s absurd. I don’t have any time to talk about the things I have no time for. I’m getting frustrated. Only a few more hours until dawn. Marie? Marie. Marie

And scene. 🫩😂😂😂

This book was trippy. I’m glad it’s done. Idk what Albert Camus wanted from me. I’m tired. Maybe im not smart enough for this book? That’s okay. Good riddance. The narrator made this book sufferable so really the 3stars are for him.