I’ve held off on writing a review for Crying in H Mart for weeks because I don’t even know where to begin explaining how much this book meant to me. To be quite honest, there is no way for me to write this review without getting personal because so many parts of the book felt like Zauner was holding a mirror against my own life.

Crying in H Mart is more than a memoir. It is a testament to the all the ways in which we can heal and all the things in which we can find comfort. It is an honest account of how unfair life can be and how we must find a way to move on despite the unfairness. Zauner’s writing style is mesmerizing and her ability to transform her grief into an exploration of cultural identity and find comfort and healing in cultural dishes is nothing short of impressive and beautiful and meaningful.

Mother-daughter relationships, especially growing up, can be incredibly complex and painful. Zauner’s relationship with her mother was reminiscent of this dynamic and their relationship was depicted as complex and complicated throughout the narrative. Zauner did not shy away from portraying the nitty gritty of their relationship. I found that this portrayal resonated with me immensely as someone who doesn’t have a relationship with her mother as an adult.

Like Zauner, nothing I ever did was good enough for my mother. She always wanted me to dress a certain way, look a certain way, and act a certain way. This severely damaged my confidence even as an adult. I cried multiple times thinking about how Zauner’s mother became sick and passed away just as they were starting to heal their relationship and learn to understand one another better. I don’t know what the future holds in store for me and my mother but I feel so much anger on Zauner’s behalf at life for taking her chance to have a relationship with her mother away.

Zauner’s experience with being treated and seen as American by her family members while in Korea but being seen as Korean while living in the U.S. is something that I found incredibly frustrating and extremely relatable. While I am fully latina, I moved to the U.S. as a teen, and now I’m seen as too latina by American people and too American by latinos. It is an experience that leaves you disconnected from the people and world around you. It makes you question your identity and your being and your place in society. It makes you feel like you don’t truly belong anywhere.

Zauner’s sadness at venting to her mother and explaining to her that she doesn’t know what it’s like to be the only Korean girl in school and her mother replying with confusion because she’s not Korean, she’s American was palpable. It was a scene that was reminiscent of an experience I had with my grandmother recently in which I expressed frustration to my grandmother about being called “American” and my grandmother replying with “well, you are American”. It doesn’t matter that I’ve retained the food, the language, the culture. I exist in a permanent in-between state.

Like Zauner, I escaped through music as a teen and as an adult, I have found a lot of comfort in engaging with my culture while on my healing journey. Reading about how Zauner was able to find healing in cultural dishes and later on developing a relationship with her family in Korea was incredibly comforting. The way that Zauner reclaimed her heritage and culture as a way to process grief was impactful and powerful.

This book tore me UP.

I’ve never seen this play on a haunted house. I’ve never read a book that revealed parts of my childhood. I thought I was alone. I facetimed my sister as soon as I finished the book. She answered and I just burst out crying.

Both of us always say, no matter the dream, the location is always our childhood home or our grandmother’s home. No matter what. It’s taken lots of time to understand why. We always talk about it like a haunting and it’s because it is.

As I’ve said in another post. This book takes “what happens in this house stays in this house even at the detriment to the children and their sanity” and personifies it.

It’s heartbreaking and so moving. I finished and I was so deeply proud of Ezri, Eve, and Emmanuelle and even Elijah. Everybody’s doing their best and that’s not a small thing.