The first half is incredibly slow, the second half started to get really interesting but quickly lost steam the more it repeated itself with the messaging of the story.

This book is meant to be a story about survival sexual assault and the long-term mental health effects on it, but wrapped in a body horror fantasy. The issue is, is that fantasy wrapper slips more and more the longer the book goes on, and it keeps repeating the same lines over and over to just really drive the messaging at you.

Honestly the ending because of this kinda just made absolutely 0 sense. How did all of this get caused, and why? Because the explanation gave in the book is a bit too wild tbh and barely explained even then. Because of how hard it repeats the messaging, that is all any of the book ends up becoming and Noon ends up becoming something she's kinda not? (Which yes but also, no. I mean not as in what the book's universe has setup until that point.)

How the ending plays out doesn't feel like a twist or natural progression, but as a complete diversion of everything that got setup in a way that just kinda tumbles the Jenga tower instead. I don't really know how, within the rules set-out in the book, the realisations at the end even make sense. The pieces of the puzzle were about to fit together, but then just got scrambled around the place and never put back.

However I do like the idea behind all that happens. I do like what was done with the body horror and why. I just don't think it fits what was initially setup.

Representations: https://trello.com/c/Pujxfq0x

Honestly do I even need to explain why Elle's books are so great? The characters feel real because they are, the situations and reactions feel real because they are. You can tell her books are rooted in real experiences and pain.

People keep saying allistics should read her books to learn more, and sure, yeah. Everyone should read her books. But autistics are the ones who really need this, even if you think you have everything all sorted out and all together - read this or her other books. Or just all of them, they're all pretty short. It'll heal a part of you. These books have a way of making you finally feel actually seen, moreso than any other own voices autistic rep books I've read. They're raw, honest and brutal but you're never left feeling worse at the end - even if some of the solutions are sadly nowhere near as easy IRL..

As for this specific book of hers, it's a lot more reality rooted, ofc, and a lot more honest/blunt than her others I'd say. Characters are as good as always and it is a quick read but it's one that will, as always with Elle's books, stick with you for a while after. The writing certainly gets better with each book, and I would say this is my favourite of hers I've read so far!

Very fun to read, pretty solid characters (metty was a very fun protag!) but it's left me with just an odd feeling and I'm not sure if I'm just overthinking it or what.

I loved the start, metty finding out her fate and then really going in hard on the "well it says I'm evil so I guess I must act the part". Such a mood tbh. The ending felt a little cut off/abrupt but I think I'm too used to kids books being serialised/seperate stories instead of continued plotlines tbh.

The odd feeling though.. it felt like it was pushing a "the only way to protest is terrorism" message way too hard. Like it goes from asking nicely to "blow up an event" with nothing in-between if you want laws changed. Especially in the current political climate that just feels odd? There was also just an odd feeling around how the thief character was treated and how others talked about her. It very much felt like a "we just accept her because she's useful and hate everything about her and what she does". Despite the fact society is what cast her out into the "slums" area of the town and that is just her fate. The constant comparisons between metty and faith, constantly talking about how rich and fancy metty is and oh poor faith in the poor area.... It was really weird. There was nothing about helping faith, only looking down on what she did but looking past it cause she was helpful. But I did like her as a character, she was very fun and I hope there's a lot more of her in the sequel (and treated better...)

I am going to read the sequel I think, but I don't think I can recommend it full heartedly right now just because of those weird feelings. Idk, if anyone else has read this I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Maybe I am just overthinking it?