This morning I woke up in a terrible mood for no clear reason. Unfortunately for my husband, he is the one that has to deal with my grumpy ass, so I warned him as soon as he woke up. His first question wasn't "Did you get enough sleep?" (I never do) or "Do you need to eat something?" (always). Instead it was "Did something bad happen in your book?" Because, also unfortunately for my non-reader husband, he has to deal with me venting (or raving) about whatever book I'm reading that day.

Later, while walking the dogs, I put my headphones on to listen to an audiobook like usual, but never hit play. And that's when I realized my favorite hobby was a huge source for my bad mood. Don't get me wrong, there are other factors likely contributing to my bad mood (gestures to the world around us), but reading is my comfort, my escape, and one of the few things I can somewhat control. So, instead of playing my audiobook, I started doing what I do best: ruminating.

Here's a glimpse of what was running through my head: I should be reading the ARCs coming out this month. I should be reading more non-fiction. I should be reading the last book I need for the Summer Readalong. I should be reading more philosophical books and classics. I should catch up on my backlog of book reviews. I should be reading more Quest books. I should be listening to this audiobook, because I have a feeling I'll really like it, even though it isn't capturing my attention right now.

I've learned over the years to recognize when I start "shoulding" myself, I'm actually shaming myself. That's not always the worst thing - sometimes I SHOULD be doing things that I don't want to do, like taking my car in for its oil change or making the appointments I've been putting off. But I logically know that I shouldn't be shaming myself for my hobby! Hobbies are supposed to be fun and relaxing! So how did reading end up on the same list as an oil change?

Now is also probably a good time to mention, I'm neurodivergent, and a couple of the ways it manifests in my life are demand avoidance and lack of motivation to start tasks. One of the workarounds I've built into my life is having external pressure like a deadline or being accountable to someone else - but that backfires when I have too many deadlines or too many things I feel accountable for, which is exactly where I am this month.

This feeling isn't exclusive to neurodivergents, but I think it's important to share that my dopamine system (part of the body's natural reward system) works differently because I'm neurodivergent. The feeling of accomplishment that hits others after they've finished a task, never hits me. I have literally never felt accomplished in my life, even for major milestones like finishing advanced degrees. The closest I have ever come to feeling accomplished is a temporary sense of relief that it's over. So my TBR can feel like a stressor without a reward at the end, just a little relief (and let's be honest... I'll just add more to my TBR).

So I'm writing this partly to stop the rumination from eating up my whole day and partly because I know I'm not the only person who has accidentally turned a hobby into a second job. And honestly mostly because the only reliable way I've found to be kinder to myself is to pretend that I'm talking to someone else. So this is what I would say if someone else told me they were feeling this way:

1. You spend a lot of time and effort on writing reviews, so the author/marketing team will still be happy with a late one.
2. Nobody is checking to see if you've read their book recommendation yet. They will be excited whenever you can dedicate the time and energy to their book rec because they are hoping you will enjoy it too.
3. Those philosophical, classic, and non-fiction books aren't going anywhere. You want to read them so you can think on them, and you have no thinking to spare right now. Reading them right now would be wasting them.
4. Pushing through books you aren't excited for will just burn you out and then you'll actually never get to the books you are telling yourself you should be reading right now.
5. The world is literally on fire, be gentler with yourself - the world isn't going to be.

So, in answer to my husband's question: nothing bad happened in the book I'm reading. The bad thing was intentionally avoiding the books I want to read in lieu of the books I think I should be reading.

If you're somewhere similar this week, I hope this helps you a little too. Let me know which book you actually want to read this week and then put the rest back on the shelf (literally or metaphorically). They'll be there whenever you actually want to read them.

I recently am finally able to go back to my library in-person, and I checked out seven books to start with. I should have gone for more because it’s only been a week and a half and I’m probably going to finish the last one today! (okay granted 4/7 were really short books but still lol) Hopefully I’ll be able to go back soon and pick up some more.

Anyway, I was curious: how often do you go to the library, and how many books do you usually check out at once? Do you pick an amount you know you’ll be able to get through, do you pick a whole bunch and then wonder how you’ll get through them in time, do you have some other method?

Maybe it also depends on the popularity of the books you pick, like if you know you’ll be able to renew them, it would be more tempting to pick out more books, but if you know they’ll have holds on them, you’d want to only get a few to be sure you can read them in time?

Obviously there’s no right or wrong answers, I’m just curious about what you all like to do!

Hello pagebound community! Reaching out with a question - how does one become a top contributer to unlock the ability to make and maintain quests 🫣

I've been looking through the existing quests, and while I love them, I would really appreciate a much broader fantasy quest with more ranks (I'm talking 100+ books, ranging from things published last week to LOTR), and perhaps a mental health and disability focused quest featuring memoirs and fictional characters with disability, neurodivergence and mental health challenges.

Thanks in advance! This community is awesome

Desperately looking for a new series to dive into that match these series:

•ninth house - leigh bardugo •rebel witch - kristen ciccarelli •atlas six - olivie blake

It's okay if the books have (some) spice, as long as it's not the main focus.

Thanks in advance ☀️📚