buckle up buttercups. i’m cracking my knuckles for this one. (please note that this is just one woman’s humble opinion, kindly do not chase me with pitchforks, thank youuu)

hollywood, ending recounts the filming, press junket, and premiere of a fictional biopic about andy warhol starring a fictional MCU heartthrob and our two POV characters, kai and juniper. they have a will-they-won’t-they that feels remarkably low stakes and takes nearly 200 pages to go somewhere. let’s just say i would have preferred to read the MCU heartthrob’s POV.

the pacing — frankly nothing happens in this book. or rather, everything that does happen is boring beyond belief. i don’t know how much of this is subject matter vs. poor writing, because i don’t find hollywood all that interesting, but i also think that john green’s rendition of it is drab to say the least. the pacing was too slow in the moments that i didn’t care about, and too fast in the ones that i did.

the characters — i never got on the juniper train. she felt one dimensional and cold playing opposite kai’s loose cannonry, which didn’t make much tonal sense. i didnt feel connected to them, they didn’t feel connected to each other, and i didn’t feel connected to this book!!!! god!!!

the prose — every turn of phrase in this book is so on the nose, so “tell” rather than “show”. john green doesn’t ever let his story do the talking, man. he’s got to say the quiet part out loud.

spoilers ahead, be warned

the ending — if the MCs had chosen to walk away from their fame, from the parasocial hell that is hollywood, i would be giving this 3 stars. but instead, they… go back?!?! they make more movies?? they continue to capitulate to the industry in every way that matters, they just do it with better boundaries. i would like to read the alternate ending where they decide to go be in love in indianapolis. at the very end, it seems like john green is about to ask some really interesting questions about free will and what his characters actually want out of their lives, but then he ??? gives up on that thread, i guess? he phones it in. he smashed that “weak ending” button. he crashed the plane, guys.

john green — as someone who has some modicum of experience with fame, you’d think john green would be more equipped to write about it. but all of his musings on fame and its consequences kind of fall flat given the lukewarm ending. i wanted to see him dig deep for his adult debut, but it honestly felt like a YA book with some extra mature themes.

in conclusion, i didn’t like it very much, and i would not recommend it, and in fact, it kind of pissed me off. sorry for writing a negative review the length of war and peace, but i had to flame this. i had to!! he can’t keep getting away with writing mediocre books…