Okay with this one - I have a lot of feelings about it. For those of you who have never heard of this book, it is marketed as a story of unrequited love that a trans lesbian has for her straight trans friend who passed away, told through her writing an encyclopedia covering her friend's favorite television show.

This book is, in large part, about fandom. I didn't expect it to be. You can really see how important it can be, especially as queer people. The sharing of media and sharing fandom can sometimes make us feel connected to each other in ways we know nobody else understands.

I've always been a little envious of people who are able to get properly obsessed with things. I've always felt like I have to maintain a cool detachment instead. It's not cool to care. Recently I've found myself getting more and more attached to the things I care about, and it's changed my life.

With regards to the structure, my book club seemed to have a lot of issues with the encyclopedia parts and felt they didn't relate to the core of the story - the grief the narrator has for her loved one. It's told in letter fragments, just like an encyclopedia - starting with A and talking about characters and events in the show that mirror her life. A lot of people found this irrelevant, but to em the actual core of the book is here - it's not about the TV show. It's a monument to her friend's love for the show, that she's willing to immortalise all the knowledge she gained second hand.

The bits I struggled with in this book were to do with the interpersonal relationships - without spoiling it, I felt the main character made some choices with regards to how she holds her relationship with her friend while she's alive and in how she grieves that really aggravated me as they're so clearly so unhealthy. I think that is kind of the point here though also - every character in this book is so flawed and so human. They could all be friends of mine, and I kept seeing parts of everyone I know reflected in each of them.

My favourite part about this book is that it reminded me that the courage to love, with your whole heart, is beautiful. Scream at the concert. Cry at your TV shows. Post it all on the internet for everyone to see. Write your fanfiction. Hug your friend.

I love all of my friends and I'll never apologise for saying it. Special shout out to my best friend for teaching me some of that. I'm not in unrequited love with you like the main character here, but I am in love with you in all the ways that matter. Thanks for existing.

I was thinking "May love like this find me one day" but then I realised it already did. The love you get from your friends and give to your friends doesn't mostly come in big neon signs saying "THIS IS LOVE Y'ALL" but in mundane and small moments, where a little thing said or done doesnt exactly mean the words or deed themselves, but something more and a declaration of that love.

A friendships warmth is like the sun, when its already summer and you are used to the heat, but would notice immediately if it was gone.

I have been warm for a long time.

To my friends: I love you and believe in you 💜