edit 02/2026: At the bottom of this review, you can find my original review from February 2019. Over the years, I’ll be honest, I kind of forgot how much this book meant to me. I remembered it was a book I enjoyed but not much more. Then a few weeks ago, I found my original review and my heart hurt because I remember being 19 and I got curious whether the book would still hit the same 7 years later. Oh, it hit, because I felt like I was reading it along with my 19 y/o self, who was so scared she’d never figure out what the hell was wrong with her.

When I first read the book, I thought I related because I was mentally ill. Now, maybe I am that, but most importantly I am autistic and while I don’t have invasives the way Aza does, I have thought spirals and anxiety that holds me hostage sometimes. As I say in my first review, I related so deeply to Aza that it was almost scary but mainly it was a relief. I spent 19 years thinking there was something indistinctly wrong with me, and it took some more years to figure out why exactly I feel the way I do, but this book was the start of feeling more normal. Another way I related to her was the way she feels about romantic relationships. Now her feelings are very much influenced by her OCD, but a lot of it actually resonated with me back then and now that I identify as aroace. I’m repulsed by many things other people find completely normal, and seeing the way Aza is good at loving from afar and struggling up close hits close to home.

This book… I have found other books and I will continue to find books that I will relate to on such a deep level. But this book will always be the first.

Additionally, I just think it’s beautiful that 1,5 years after I read this book, I fell in love with someone who lived in the same city as Aza & Co. I know John Green loves Indy but still, I think it’s fate just a tiny bit.

review 02/2019: I love this book. I seriously love this book so much I’m not sure I can put it into words (I’ll try anyway though). It’s easily in the top 5 of my favourite books. And it’s not even necessarily because of the plot. It’s a really good plot but what I love the most is Aza herself.

I can relate to Aza on such a deep level that it really surprised me. I’ve always had troubles voicing how I felt, what it felt like to be me but John Green managed to word it just perfectly. Sometimes it’s really just turtles all the way down.

We seriously need more books about characters with mental illnesses. I think some people just need to realise that mentally ill people don’t just randomly do “crazy stuff”. They need to do it. They sometimes know it’s not the logical thing to do, but they have to anyway. They can’t help it. People need to understand that.

I already gushed to my dad about this book and basically finished my rant off with “I love Aza so much, I would read five more books about her. But I don’t want to, I don’t need to. John Green gave me just the right amount of Aza.” And I think that says enough.