[experienced via audiobook]

the intermingling of mental health, gothic horror, and undead creatures is not groundbreaking by any means, but i found myself entertained by the book from start to finish. van veen manages to also sprinkle in toxic sapphic romance, doomed yuri, depictions of racial adversity through deep-rooted colonialist mindset, obsessive co-dependency, and of course, childhood trauma.

the atmosphere was deliciously dark, a pale background to an otherwise colorful main character who experiences the world with her darling creature, the one who helps her in enduring the worst parts of the life she was forced to live. i loved that the creature used to scare her before she figured out how to love her and that they became inseparable to a fault.

the relationships in this story were magnetizing. overall, this book was full of desire—desire for love, for family, for security, for safety and well-being. one mission in this life is to find someone who can understand all that you are and all that you can be, despite who you were, and van veen shows how it is worth it to find someone you can bare yourself to, be naked in truth and sincerity.

i also enoyed the delicate way they presented one of the characters, a southeast asian living in a european country and navigating life through this lens while her race is not even the only thing that differentiates her from the people around her. i would argue she was the more interesting character in the book.

i found myself at the edge of my seat after the midway point. i thought it was genius how the story was told in different parts and we get the narrator's POV as well as an outsider perspective so we as readers can question whether we trust the narrator/MC, having a different angle to view the story as it's being told. i especially loved the narrator's creepy, high-pitched and scraggly voice for ruth. would love to read another one of van veen's works.

While not quite what I was expecting (there was a significant lack of traditional vampires), this novel still delivered an eerie and atmospheric gothic experience that was visceral and tense.

I especially liked how the narrative was structured; 1st person retelling that is interspersed with casenotes. These help to reframe the biased nature of the POV and elevated the mystery of story.

The ending fell a little flat for me but it didn't take away from my overall enjoyment in the spook and fun of the story told.

I have to admit, I do think I am the target audience for this book. I love political fantasy. I love books that don't spoon feed the meaning to the reader. I love books where you get a story within a story.

What most impressed me was how concise Nghi Vo was able to be in her story telling. It was a story that used language so efficiently and meaningfully. It was a 2 hour audiobook but you got a whole understanding of the geopolitics and interpersonal relationships. And I felt so attached to our characters!

The world building felt like a flashlight in a dark room. You get clarity in the direction you are pointed at but everything else gets hazy around the edges. I find that I really like stories that nail that balance well. You get what you need and the rest can be left a bit up to your interpretation. It allows Nghi Vo to focus on what was important for the story instead of getting too distracted.

If you read fantasy often, don't worry about the critiques that the story is hard to follow. We blend the present with the past but it is easy enough to follow when that transition happens and when we switch from Chih to Rabbit's narration.

I do plan on continuing this series!

despite the fact that this book is quite old, i feel that its relevance and validity has not diminished. not only does this book cover a wide range of traumas and the paths to recovery, but it approaches each subject with empathy and respect.

herman does not rely on shocking and traumatic accounts of real life victims to get across her points, or to evaluate the horrifying ways in which tools like fear, control, and violence can be used to subjugate and traumatize individuals. rather, she carefully and thoughtfully discusses the ways in which abusive individuals and systems of oppression can traumatize a person, the way in which trauma develops, and how a person can heal and grow based on the trauma they experience.

herman does not stop at only discussing war-related PTSD/cPTSD, either. she covers a full range of traumas, including neglect, domestic abuse, sexual assault, captivity, and political terror. she spends an equal amount of time and space discussing the mechanisms of these traumas as she does the process of healing. therefore, while the first half of the book feels incredibly difficult to read through, the focus on healing and recovery in the second half allows readers to not only understand the various aspects that can contribute to healing, but leaves readers on a positive note which instills hope and optimism (something incredibly important and valuable for recovery).

herman also discusses trauma as a dialectic, suggesting that most survivors of trauma bounce back and forth between two extreme psychological states: denial of traumatic events and the need to verbally proclaim their experiences with trauma. the dialectic of trauma is one that herman theorized/coined herself, and is what truly makes this work so influential and relevant to this day. to recognize and understand this dialectic within victims is incredibly important when supporting the victim through recovery.

out of all the books related to trauma that i have read, i found this one to be the most valuable due to its range, compassion, and equal focus on recovery. it definitely leans to a more academic approach to trauma and recovery and may not necessarily be beginner friendly, but is an incredibly valuable read nonetheless.