2026 note: I have read many other Asian American memoirs since first reading this one in 2022. I originally removed the rating completely because I thought I was being too harsh. Now upon reflection, thinking about countless Asian American stories that AREN'T told, and re-reading my initial review, I still agree with my intial rating and have re-added it.

Original November 2022 Review: TL;DR - I'm tired of ("rich") cishet east asians having large platforms while other marginalized asians and/or LGBTQ BIPOC still have to fight for basic survival. I'm tired of cishet east asian women trying to tell me how I'm supposed to feel and speaking on behalf of communities they are not a part of nor have ever even set foot in (physically and metaphorically) and expecting to be coddled/rewarded for their "hard work" and "wokeness".

Let's preface that I am a queer and non-binary mixed Filipino-Taiwanese American who was raised by a low-income/working class single mother. I am an English teacher for middle and high school students and have also taught spoken word poetry. Going in, I knew my experiences as an Asian American would probably differ from Hong (as it does from many other east Asian Americans) but many of my friends have read and appreciated the book so I figured I'd give it a try and maybe learn a thing or two (since I was under the impression that this book was primarily non-fiction, which SPOILER, it's her ranting about her own life 70% of the time).

I listened to the majority of the audiobook at 1.5x because the way she told the story was so painfully slow and at times condescending; at times I got mad at how problematic she was so I sped it to 2x, and by the last 8% of the book, I was listening at 3x to get it over with. I can safely say this book got worse and worse as it went on.

LACK OF INFORMATION / FAKE "ACADEMIC SOCIAL JUSTICE" If this was listed as solely a memoir or autobiography, I would have been more understanding. However, Hong only found data points that furthered her "hot takes". She goes back and forth between using the "I" and the "we" when talking about her Asian American identity. One minute she knows she shouldn't speak for everyone, and in the same paragraph she does it anyway. I can admit I had the privilege in holding a bachelor's degree Asian American Studies and have a master's degree in Ethnic Studies. However, it seems like Hong only researched things that matched with her experiences and identities and spoke to other people in her profession -- like I am BAFFLED at how she never considered reaching out to ACTUAL Asian American scholars that have been doing this work for DECADES but do not (and maybe will never) have the same level of "exposure" as her. I will NEVER recommend this book to anyone, even people starting to understand their Asian American identity and/or the Asian American movement.

Okay I get it, it's probably hard being the only Asian person in an MFA or going to Oberlin college... but it's like... you PICKED that for yourself. You CHOSE to put yourself in a continually oppressed space and yes it sucks and yes it should change but it's still a privileged position you decided to enter so what are you going to do about it? Just be bitter and complain? LITERALLY, THERE'S PEOPLE (AKA OTHER ASIAN AMERICANS) DYING -- but I guess every neoliberal Asian American at a private liberal arts college needs their Queen.

QUEERNESS / TRANS-NESS WHEN IT BENEFITS HER AS A CISHET WOMAN? Her random moments of bringing up queerness makes absolutely 0 sense to me when she herself has never experienced what it's like. She uses the stories of others (probably without their permission) to fit her own narrative. When she brought up Ocean Vuong and asserted "the media only sees him as a Vietnamese refugee and erases his queerness" I was BAFFLED and ANGERED. She clearly has been in ZERO REAL LIFE queer spaces because Ocean's work is CONSTANTLY discussed in all of the AAPI LGBTQ+ spaces I've been in, and even white LGBTQ+ spaces AND the interviews he's done on many media outlets highlights all of his identities. She really saw one news headline and said "o wow ocean is OPPRESSeD and ima take that and PROFIT OFF IT and include it INTO MY CHAPTER even tho in the previous chapter i shitted on a vietnamese boy and his family while getting a pedicure". I found it appalling how often she would randomly sprinkle in the word queer/trans without being part of the community itself and only used it to bolster random points in her own experiences.

The cherry on top of how gross I felt was when she said "I was proud of myself for dating one of the two heterosexual men in my program" LIKE ??? I get she's PROBABLY critiquing herself but why include that?? Why use queer people as a little accessory for you to explain your trauma???

HER OWN WHITE GUILT + ANTI-BLACKNESS Hong has white guilt. It's not the universal Asian American experience to feel guilt although Hong (and most EAST Asians) will say otherwise. She brings up her husband at random points but does not acknowledge his whiteness. Does not acknowledge how much of her life is still benefitting (and has benefitted in the past) from whiteness. She really took the "caught between two worlds, not white enough and not Asian enough/not POC enough" and embarrassingly took it to the next level to say "oh i feel bad when i agree with white writers but i also agree with writers of color" -- Highkey I'm like... bring it up with your therapist... don't tell us... you already told us how fucked up you were to your therapist in the beginning PLEASE... If you need validation, it AIN'T US.

Also Hong (as many other Asian American authors) never addresses mixed Asians. In the end, it's always a monolith; if you are Asian, you are ONLY Asian. She'll randomly bring up differences of South Asians, Southeast Asians, and East Asians (never west asians but are we surprised? no) when it benefits her story but never mentions Latin Asians, Blasians, or even the privilege that her child now has of being wasian. She glossed over Awkwafina's Anti-Blackness as if she took a longer pause on it, her own Anti-Blackness would be immediately exposed.

Let's also address that the term "minor feelings" was inspired partly by Claudine Rankin's "Citizen". Asians/Asian Americans need to stop profiting off of Black labor and then getting all the credit/money/fame. Hong consistently throughout this book tries to relate the Black experience in America with the Asian American experience and it's like NO... NOT LIKE THIS... Yes it's important to create community and solidarity among people of color, but you acknowledging ONCE that Anti-Blackness (and colorism in general) exists in Asian American communities and then proceeding to draw parallels between our communities' oppression is NOT IT.

STERILIZED, HURTFUL AND F*CKED UP DEPICTIONS OF MENTAL HEALTH One of the worst lines in the book started with “During the year I had depression…” Like DAMN… one year??? That shit was curable for you??? And you're RLY out here tryna relate to everyone who has had mental illnesses and troubles with their mental health by shitting on your therapist in the first chapter, glorifying a white therapist in the next, and then saying you "got out of depression" in a year???

If she needs to heal she can do that in her own autobiography or memoir or in therapy but this book is not it. It's ironic that later after she describes her own mental health, there's several chapters/essays where the theme is "ahahaha insert severe mental illness of my friends but ima talk abt it without their consent since i’m not friends w them anymore". Whether the stories are real or not, the way she recalls them have such a heavy bias against everyone else and diminutives mental health to something "treatable" OR to something so BIG and out of her control that she feels BAD and ANGRY at her friends for having mental health issues. She says at different points "young Cathy would have done... young Cathy would have thought..." which again just brings back the guilt and her need for praise. It's giving "look at me I used to be really fucked up and racist and ableist but now I'm not teehee! I KNOW I used to not be right but back then I thought I was always right BUTTTT you should listen to me now bc I'm a changed person so I'm always right!!! : )"

THE ENDING In the last page or so there is a line that reads "Unless you are trans or Muslim, Asian American's do not have to face heavy surveillance.”

... Really? That's what this entire tornado of a story has lead us to? The way you would say "I don't wanna speak for all Asian Americans... jk yes I do and I can!!" and continue to be so heavily uninformed of so so so many Asian/Asian American identities but act like you were the bearer of all knowledge by only bringing up historical events that relate to YOU experience to validate yourself?

Me staring at undocumented Asian Americans... me staring at the prison industrial complex… me staring at the school to prison to deportation pipeline… me staring at mixed brown/black Asians...

Anyway, I guess this book can be for other upper-middle/rich Asian Americans whose family embody the "American Dream" and all have that "lunchbox story" but it ain't for the people who are really committed to change and seeing all of the true complexities (including privilege and oppression) of the Asian American identity.