"VOORHOOFD."

Disclaimer: I read this book solely for a quest, as I have a friend that goes by Lethe in some circles and I thought it'd be really funny to have a badge with her name. With that said, I definitely would have DNF'd this book early on without badge motivation, so take that as you will.

Ninth House was, regrettably for my taste, a book written by Leigh Bardugo. I do not know what it is about this author. Everything she writes feels like paper drenched in water that is coming apart as you turn the page, and you desperately try to read further and further but the more you try the more the unfortunate sensation of wet paper clinging to your fingers prevails. This is a really impressive feeling to convey, as I only have read this author digitally. Also, I think the most Leigh Bardugo has ever made me feel is, indeed, aversion.

I spent a lot of this book wondering why I couldn't connect to it. As it always seems to with books I label horrid, one of the main reasons was the way race/racism was handled. I want to take away biracial girls from white authors forever and always until they learn how to write us... not like this. For all I've seen her praised for her representation, the only way Leigh Bardugo seems to be able to write characters of colour is to make them a stereotype. It reminds me so much of Rick Riordan being the exact same way; praised for his diversity yet lacking in its execution.

On a technical level, I think Leigh Bardugo is alright. Her dialogue feels realistic, her prose isn't bad, but her book does not hit home. The mystery is unsatisfactory, and - I am going a bit off track here, my apologies, but I really can't ignore this - the book feels like Darlington imagining Alex's story. Like a rich kid^1 making up a poor kid and leaving all the depth behind. Avoiding the very real repercussions of addiction, side-stepping anything that feels real, offering trauma upon trauma for merely trauma's sake.

As a final note, Dutch - and Cantonese - are not... what I would call... whispery languages....

(thank you rui for keeping me sane. idt i wouldve survived without you)

^1 Darlington was rich right I can't remember too clearly to make a good metaphor on this book it was. Really not my favourite. To say the least.

I raise a glass of chocolate milk to my first Chuck Tingle book. I love it, it is truly peak and no book will ever reach these new romance standards.

I do have to unfortunately remove a star due to anatomical errors. Morn's dick would have been severely injured by a handjob as sharks are covered in teeth-like structures called dendrites. Rubbing against shark skin causes a painful and bloody carpet burn. Not ideal for a finjob. Additionally, I wish Tingle could be a little more creative with the penetrative sex. Male sharks have a reproductive structure called claspers. These are inserted into the oviduct of female sharks to transfer sperm. Yoko being a brain surgeon, should have been more anal about being scientifically corrected and referred to his organ as his clasper and not dick, but I guess love makes you open to more common terminology. Since this is my first Tingle book, I won't judge too much for not accurately naming Dr. Yoko's claspers.

The plot wasn't bad, though I wish we got more in Morn's and Cort's disagreement in the end. Perhaps Morn and Dr. Yoko could send Cort a holiday card as a big fuck you to Cort's negative views on romance. Cort only acts as the instigator that causes Morn to irresponsibly drink chocolate milk, but there is no resolution or arc for their opposing world views. Perhaps Cort will appear in a different story - perhaps a grumpy x sunshine romance. There is a small plot hole, who is the angry sailor man at the end? Was he watching the whole time? I feel like the shark jumping authorities should look into protecting sharks from perverts as well and banish this sailor perv. A positive for the pair, I appreciate the inclusion of brain surgeons in romance, it is such a hard field to get into, and Dr. Loko is a MULTI SPECIES surgeon. Morn has found himself a very handsome and intelligent Megalodon and I'm jealous.

There were also some spelling and grammatical errors, so I do have to deduct stars in the quality section.

I cannot judge the sex as I have never had sex under water and then breached the surface at the exact time of a climax then blissfully stayed suspended in the air before diving back into the water. Will report back when I do.

EDIT: I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THE BLOWJOB! PSA: SHARK TEETH ARE SHARP AND THEY DO NOT HAVE 'LIPS' DO NOT ENGAGE IN SHARK BLOWJOB I REPEAT DO NOT ENGAGE!! NO MATTER HOW MUCH SEXUAL TENSION THERE IS BETWEEN YOU AND A SHARK