our fear it lines his pockets, love, so take that rage and bottle up

The Plans I Have for You is a book about injustice, the unequal power structures that enforce it, and one woman helping another to reclaim her life and get revenge. Of course, this doesn't go so perfectly, and we discover there's much more to Shelley's self-appointed saviour, Sophia, that meets the eye.

There's no way to discuss this book without getting into a lot of spoilers, so yeah.

Sophia is an absolute sociopath, and that becomes startlingly clear very quickly and with every fact Sophia drops about herself. The book features dual timelines and shows us Sophia's own story and slowly unwinds the web she wove to ensnare Shelley.

There's no doubt that Sophia isn't as well-intentioned as she claims, and her manipulation of Shelley to get what she wants is masterful and kind of terrifying to watch unfold on the page. So much seems sincere even if we as the reader is skeptical of it. Often, I still fall for it and wonder if Sophia is actually just being honest.

And really, sometimes I can't blame Sophia for what she does. I relate to her and Shelley so much. Like Sophia and Shelley, I’m not lucky either, and it’s so bad it feels like there’s something supernatural working against me (but I loathe the jinn concept used in the book). Everything I had I worked hard for, and as might be natural, I feel so much fucking jealousy sometimes when I see others with more luck or privilege doing better (or feel vindicated when they do worse). Unlike Sophia, though, I don’t go anywhere so far as what she does. But dear god have I fantasised about evening up the odds if only I could.

This book is incredibly layered and nuanced, digging deep into how oppression looks different depending on your identity. It really is intersectionality at its finest. More than once, it covers racism from different angles, and not just ones you expect, and breaks preconceived notions in the best way.

and then give all you want of it to some new thing; i’ll stay here, the provider of that constant sting they call love

Some information about me that's possibly unnecessary: I have a 40- and 45-year age gap with my parents. This means I've always been aware of the nearly insurmountable canyon between us when it comes to our principles and worldviews. Like Shelley, I don't understand sometimes why my parents, especially my mother, do what they do.

Again, like Shelley, I learned out of the blue just how much my parents have sheltered me and kept me safe and happy in the only ways they know how. And that realisation hurts, actually, because it's also how I know how much they've suffered.

Mothers play such a huge part in this book. Our mothers’ expectations are a burden so heavy, their influence so constricting, their disappointment a suffocating vise. It hurts so much knowing I’m not the person my mother would prefer me to be, and the way Sophia uses Shelley's mother against her is utterly devastating. But while I sympathise with Shelley, with her experience so similar with mine, there's something else I learned here. As hard as it is to be a daughter, it's harder to be a mother.

you hold me like you want me to stay you only wanna keep me on your ball and chain

The last 10% of the book is where pretty much everything implodes, in the story and in your understanding of it. The focus shifts away from Shelley, which is fine as the narrative was not solely centered on her throughout. It was always about Sophia and Shelley, their support of each other, their plotting, their larger relationship.

I was looking forward to the fracture, and I liked what I got. Shelley began to see that there's no real satisfaction in getting revenge and while her life was ruined, the people who caused it were not evil villains. She wants to give up on getting even; Sophia does not.

The overall metaphor of Sophia being a water ghost (I refuse to call her a jinn) was utterly impeccable. The usage of imagery and the repeated presence of water/rain was subtle throughout until it really wasn't.

But then, things got a little muddy, and I'm not sure I liked it. The concept that Sophia was trying to make Shelley like her is something I would have much liked. Instead, Sophia has a kind of saviour mindset that I think undercuts her character, makes her more feeble when she was a strong character to me this whole time. Perhaps I'm missing the point, but [SPOILER HUGE SPOILER] shifting the power to someone else, and a man at that, to me makes the whole story futile. That said, the journey was still impeccable, and the twist was interesting. It wasn't a huge shock to me, for some reason (I was probably too tired) but I can see that I should have appreciated it more.

Why it isn’t 5 stars. Very honestly I docked half a star for the jinn concept. It was introduced to us manifested as sleep paralysis, which to me is known as 鬼压床, which involves a ghost. A ghost, okay, not a jinn. I understand that there is a strong established concept of what a ghost is in the west and it might not translate as well, but I don’t think switching it to jinn does anyone any favours. It feels like this choice was made to cater to western audiences and I don’t like it because it isn’t even effective imo.

The other reason is the ending/twist. I didn't like that the focus turned from Sophia and Shelley to Sophia and Paul. I felt like it was adding just another thing to an already full painting, and changing the whole composition. You can argue with me on this, though.