I didn't read McCurdy's memoir as I was just a little too old for iCarly when it was airing. So I wasn't super familiar with any of her acting (though I have since read more about the traumas she was put through). Her writing in this book is GORGEOUS. Not in a flowery, lyrical way, but in a gritty truthful way. There is also a very smart and subtle way that she is making points throughout the start of the book. Will definitely be picking her memoir up after finishing this one. She is really talented!

After starting and loving the show I could no longer resist the lure of the audiobooks on hoopla despite the horrendous covers and whaaaaaat have I done because Kip’s voice???? May be the worst accent of all time. If you can even call it that? I can’t even tell what it’s going for, I just hate it so much. Will be taking this in small chunks if I finish at all. I’m scared.

I fear I will be reading this entire series in an attempt to fill the Heated Rivalry void. I loved the show, so I’m looking forward to delving more into these characters/this universe. I’m listening to the audiobook and the accent/voice for Kip is so??

im sure this is gonna be good but how does a book with ~200 pages have 88 chapters .

I've had this book lightly on my radar (a couple weeks until release as of this writing) since reading the author's memoir I'm Glad My Mom Died, but I was mostly curious, not exactly chomping at the bit for it. I'm certainly chomping now - I just listened to an interview of Jennette McCurdy by Alex Cooper on her podcast Call Her Daddy that has shot it right to the top of my most anticipated list.

In McCurdy's words:

"I'm really interested in themes of desire and power and the things that we desire being confused for some form of power." "underneath, [this book is] really about desire, and loneliness, and why do we desire things that might not be good for us, and why do we so desperately paw at the things that we desire even if we know deep down they're not good for us, why do we still pursue them so relentlessly, so exhaustively, at the expense of, often times, our own self esteem, our own self worth?" "I hope it sparks conversations around desire and power [...] and also loneliness."

So basically, key themes here are desire, power, and loneliness, wrapped in the package of a high school senior relentlessly pursuing her teacher despite her own internal conflict. Okay Miss McCurdy, say less. I'm there.

She shares in the interview some of her personal experiences in an inappropriate age-gap relationship (which readers of the memoir did get a look into) as well as other unhealthy relationships, and says that despite being fiction, this book is very much infuses her own self into the narrative since her writing processes her lived experience. She says it "can't not be" a personal work. Some things she spoke to in particular where I expect to find echoes of herself in the MC (Waldo):

• Going along with the discussion of desire and power and loneliness in the book, in her own experience of feeling insecure in relationships where her needs weren't being met, she says "I'd really crave sex, I'd really want sex. Sex for me was a means of finding commitment, was a misguided means of assuming I'd found commitment, a misguided means of assuming I'd found attachment, a misguided means of assuming I'd found safety, but the second that the two of us cum, it's gone. It's fucking gone."
• She says Waldo is who she wishes she could have been at 18. Bolder and braver than herself. McCurdy can say and do things through her that she may not say or do herself because fiction gives her that opportunity.

The interview is phenomenal and I'd highly recommend it especially for those who have read her memoir already. There are plenty of other great peeks into her writing process, like discussions on when this idea first originated for her and her decision on whether to include an epilogue or not. Also - she wants and plans to keep writing fiction!!

… at this rate I’m going to quote the entire book.

No, but for real. Some of this is verbatim things I have said or thought about myself. As recently as two hours ago («Maybe if I was less people would like me more»). The whole idea of molding yourself after others in the hopes that it might finally make someone love you - right down to erasing yourself and being replaced by a shell, easily used and exploited by others? Yeah.

This book is going to hurt.

“I can just tell he doesn’t get it,” Alex said. “Get what?” I asked. “You,” he said. “He has no idea how lucky he is.”

Alex Nilsen, I'm already in love with you, okay?!

Okay I actually love Poppy and Alex’s dynamic from 10 years ago I’m so scared what happened to them

I fear I am obsessed with this book. Like, there is just something about the dynamic in this one that just makes it so cute. Also, classic Emily Henry of some banger lines and also just incredible dialogue