I'M FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

It's been a long time since I've done a rant review, buckle up, guys!

Again, as with all my rant reviews, I'll break down my problems with the book into points so that it's easier for both me (the writer) and you (the reader). It goes without saying that this review has SPOILERS contained in it. SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!

1. This book had all the ingredients for a great book - sapphic vampires, revenge plot, queer found family, and a historical setting. It's a wonder that it failed SO miserably. First of all, I don't know how much the author researched about the time it was set in, but I do not think it was adequate enough considering how a lot of things were just very modern, even though this book was set in the 19th century. It romanticizes the Victorian Era and presents an idealised version of it. Also, France was shown as this safe haven for queer people where they could be openly queer with little to no consequences (huh?). Additionally, Poppy had worked as a sex worker before becoming a vampire and during the entire book she MISSES being a sex worker, reminisces about it with fondness, and WANTS to go back to that profession? Yeah, right. Because we all know just how GOOD sex workers were treated in nineteenth-century England.

2. There was no considerable character growth in ANY of the characters. At all. In this FOUR HUNDRED page book that is written more as a character study than a plot-based narrative. And yet. No fucking growth.

3. Poppy accepts her vampirism way too quickly. And with zeal? In fact, her most pressing qualm about this whole ordeal is that she wouldn't be able to eat human food again! That's it? That's your problem? Not the fact that your whole life has turned upside down, you're no longer a human but instead a creature you didn't know existed until you turned into one, and you will have to watch your friends and family grow old and die? You're worried that you WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT BREAD OR SWALLOW CUM AGAIN???????

4. All of the vampires, barring the villain, are just absolutely great people who know and respect consent and never force their human servants/friends to do anything they don't want to. Even if that means they don't want to give them their blood to feed, something that their entire existence hinges upon. It's okay! They can drink from poor hares instead! Yeah, riiiiiiiiight. Of course. What sort of vampire propaganda bullshit is this? You're telling me to believe that all of these vampires have never ONCE been corrupt? Never once forced a human to give them their blood? Never once bled a guy to death just because they were hungry and because they could? Never once misused their power? I find that very hard to believe.

5. For 350+ pages, we read all about how Cane is an all-powerful, terrifying being, who no one has ever been able to defeat before because she's just. that. strong. But the final showdown with her is resolved in a matter of minutes? So much buildup, only for it to end so quickly. Very disappointing.

6. There's no real chemistry between Poppy and Roisin. It's not very convincing to me that they would still be so infatuated with each other even after not being in contact for decades (considering the time they spent together was just a measly fraction of the time they spent apart. They were together for just one year! ONE!). And then Roisin comes to check in for a few days, has sex with Poppy, and leaves again. What is compelling about this romance? I didn't care about any of it.

7. Poppy. OH MY GOD POPPY. Poppy is SO INSUFFERABLE!!!!!! She acts like a child. She pretends like she knows everything and everything needs to go exactly how SHE desires, otherwise she'll throw the nastiest tantrum. GIRL. You don't know shit!!! Every decision you take is fucking STUPID. She only ever cares about herself.

She finds out Roisin had spent decades in an abusive relationship with Cane, has a fuck ton of emotional trauma from it, and is still suffering because Cane thinks it's funny to kill a bunch of girls to punish Roisin for leaving. What do you think Poppy does? If you think it's a) become Roisin's pillar of support and help her resolve her trauma, or b) offer to help Roisin get her revenge, YOU'RE COMPLETELY WRONG!!!! It's the secret third option: Tell Roisin she's better off fucking Poppy to get her mind off of all of this and she should sit her ass down and not do anything about the Cane situation.

What's even more ridiculous is that when Roisin tells her that the reason she only turned Poppy out of all the girls Cane killed is because she looked very much like her former lover, Poppy does not have that much of a problem about being used as a pawn in this sick game; she's not that mad at being robbed of making her own choice on whether to be turned or not. No, the thing that Poppy IS furious about is not being fuckable enough herself to be turned into a vampire. She's mad that Roisin only turned her because she reminded her of Clover, and not because Roisin found HER, POPPY, attractive enough to turn her into an immortal being. Wow.

When she asks her friends to help her save Roisin and wage war on Cane, she gets offended and angry that Carmen does not acquiesce readily. She stops talking to her FOR THREE YEARS. THREE!!!!!!!! Just because Carmen is not willing to potentially sign away her life for Poppy's whims and fantasies. HELLO??? DID YOU ASK HER WHY SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT????? Why are you so delusional to think everyone should uproot and endanger their lives to save YOUR lover? Just how self-centred can someone be omg?????

8. The phrase "tuppence eyes" is used in every single sentence talking about Roisin's eyes. GIVE IT A REST.

9. Overuse of the word "q*im". Ugh.

I can actually rant a lot more about how this book (AND POPPY) annoyed me to no end, but I don't want to write any further. I suppose this will have to do, then.

PLEASE SUGGEST A GOOD SAPPHIC BOOK. PLEASE.