To quote a friend of mine: “yeah I’m autistic, my special interest just happens to be my job.”

For all the emphasis on how “weird” this book- and Keiko- are, it’s just about experiencing life as a neurodiverse person. It’s enjoyable and at times relatable, but not really revolutionary to me.

Having now read it I definitely feel grossed out by a lot of the reviews I had heard that described Keiko as being so unusual she was almost inhuman. And this is something she expresses herself in the novel as well. But it’s not true, is it? She’s just a person who has an incredibly difficult time in social situations and does well with regimented schedules and tasks. I find a lot of people reading this book seem to be enjoying the spectacle of witnessing her disability rather than empathizing with the way she is ostracized for it. Keiko is constantly worried about being “expunged” due to her non-conformity with societal standards. It’s heartbreaking to me.

This novel isn’t delightful and strange, it’s sad and reflective of the truth. The way the novel is perceived is not Murata’s fault and I want to be clear that that is not why I’m giving it a 4 instead of a 5. I enjoyed it but it wasn’t a favorite that’s all. I just need to express the discomfort I have with the way neurotypical people are reading this novella somewhere.

Keiko may seem like an exaggerated portrait of an autistic person, but I saw bits and peices of several people I know in her. The literalism, the way she misses social cues, the way she hyperfixates, the way that she dedicated herself wholly to the thing she loves and finds it painful to be away. All of these are autistic experiences, and not every autistic person experiences them, or does but to varying degrees, it doesn’t change the fact that these aren’t “weird” habits of Keiko’s, they’re neurodivergent ones.

Sally Rooney’s blurb on the back cover calls the novel “exhilaratingly weird and funny.” And I simply ask. Where is the humor. What am I meant to find funny about a woman who tries so damn hard to “cure” herself of her disability?

I think I need a cigarette or maybe 10