I tried to look for a physical copy of this book but unfortunately none can be found where I live, even online, so it appropriately feels like it doesn't exist (terrifying House of Leaves moment lol). Wanted to do a slow reread before even attempting to write a review because I tore through it in just a few days, went through an endless rollercoaster of emotions all throughout, and I feared that whatever I write in the wake of that will not do justice this book and the experience that it gave me. But if I did wait and let time run I know I will grow dumb and what thoughts there are will stagnate, so here it is:

This was such an amazing read, I have never been more confused and scared reading anything in my life. The way it's written—direct and no-nonsense yet at the same time rather very personal, the way each chapter is an informative section of a never-ending scientific research but also something very close to a diary. Each agent, each researcher, wasn't just merely clocking in in the morning and clocking out at night. They were also living their lives (were they even? or what semblance of it with the service that they do), doing work that follows their shadows, facing things we don't have names for, things we couldn't even see or remember. Each page turn was accompanied by growing terror but as well as hope for humanity being revived. This might just be fiction, but knowing individuals out in the world still think/imagine, and write, about people like Marion, Lyn, Adam, I think that counts for something. Every time I think about this book I try not to cry. At the fate of the world (ours and the fictional ones), at the fate of Marion and Adam, at the endless research that feel more like a letter, a most faithful one, to the future. Everything bad and unthinkable could happen, but that faith to those that come after you might just be the proof of humanity we do all things for. Give into despair if you must, but take the next step and the next and the next anyway, clearing the way for those who follow. Knowing they will need this and trusting they will do what needs to be done. Trusting that there are people who will come after even if they don't remember us, and pass down what we gain, what we learn, what we remember, just as we ourselves learn from those who came before us.