YES! Novel in verse! Autism realisation! Love it!!! 🙌🤩

⭐⭐⭐⭐.75/5 rounded up to a 5 for Pagebound!

Where do I even start when trying to be as spoiler free as possible? Let’s start with this is the second book in the Amina Al-Sirafi series and I couldn’t have asked for a better follow-up. If you really want to read this first for whatever reason, you don’t 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 to have read book 1; the stories are interconnected by a major plot point, but it’s only in the way the story is set up in order to be played out. The first few chapters provide enough context that I think you’d get the gist, but you’ll be missing some of the finer character connections and bonds that the first book established.

Amina is a semi-retired pirate with an eleven-year-old daughter, one she wants to be around to raise. However, she yearns for the seas, and thanks to the ending of book one, she has at least four excuses to return to her ship, the 𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑡𝑖. There are magical objects she needs to find in order to fulfill a bargain, though it does pain her to leave home. Up next: a spindle. Just a basic, run-of-the-mill spindle…that happens to be able to spin fates. It takes a while for the story and action to ramp up; there’s a small bit of chaos at the beginning, but then there’s a slow burn that builds and builds, until finally Amina is up against a wall and all the reader can wonder is ‘how in the actual hell is she going to get out of this??’ At least that’s how I felt. My annotations are all over the place, questioning, double-checking what I read, making wild theories.

I had a lot of fun with this one, I screwed up my sleep schedule to keep reading, and while it ends on a mild cliffhanger, I loved the end. I loved that we get way more Dalila in this book because I love her, I love how mysterious she is, this Mistress of Poisons. I love that Amina cares so much for her friend, that they know each other so well, they also know how to hurt one another. Around the midpoint of the book, we find out things are getting between their friendship, and it kept me glued to the page. How long until the next book, another three years? I believe in myself, I can be patient.

For as much as I loved having more Dalia, I felt cheated out of time with Majed and Tinbu, these two people who are just as close to Amina. We barely know either one of them, Tinbu less than Majed, and I would have enjoyed Jamal perhaps writing an interlude or two from their perspective of what was happening. The entire crew is stuck on a mission gone wrong, with a few key figures missing, and I would have enjoyed seeing Amina’s closest friends deal with that.

There was a lot more religion than I remember from the first book, more prayers, more devoutness, more mentions of God and faith. I didn’t mind it, but it felt like a lot, to the point where I did stop mid-chapter to try and decide if it felt too over the top. The ‘villain’ of the story was very compelling, and I enjoyed how Jamal wove the story of the spindle into the existing plot. This book felt shorter than the first, but it’s actually a little longer by 5-10 pages. I think it took about 200 pages for the story to feel like it was moving along at a nice clip, but I also believe it could have been a tiny bit shorter.

I have the exact same question at the end of this book as I had at the end of book one, and it involves Raksh. To say anything more would be a spoiler, but while I sometimes run cold with him as a character, he elevated himself in this book to be more interesting, in my opinion. I was surprised by the end and by his actions, which delighted me because I didn’t expect it. The magic of this book took a minute for me to understand, but once it all clicked into place, the rest of the story flew by. If you liked book one, I can’t imagine you wouldn’t like this one too.

“𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑎 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒, 𝑐𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑠.”

I really liked this book, but I did not enjoy this book. Not because it was well-written or compelling, but exactly because it was too much so. The way that the author maintained a line of tension thrumming between and beneath each line, phrase, and word was ever-present through the book, and I couldn't help but feel anxious even when nothing "bad" was happening. It was clear that things were going to fall apart in the worst way, like watching a train crash happen in slow motion.

(On that note, I will absolutely say to check the triggers before reading this book because it very much deals with toxic relationships, animal cruelty, emotional abuse, and dubcon.)

tl;dr When Rory is 8 years old, his sister builds him a playmate out of flowers, who he names Daye. As a Blodeuwedd, Daye is both a construct and a sentient being with her own will who is compelled to obey her creator. However, as with flowers and to Rory's horror, Daye decays and has to be rebuilt every season. He begins to obsess over how to keep Daye safe through the changing seasons, and as the years pass and childhood friendship turns into something more, the line between safety, control, and obsession threatens to break apart completely.

This book is essentially a 300-something page character study on how an abusive relationship develops, takes hold, and turns love into obsession. Rory, in his attempt to keep Daye "safe," continually transgresses her wishes, her body, and eventually her freedom, in the same way that abusers say that they are doing what they do for their victims' "own good." While Rory convinces that what he is doing is all for the sake of preventing Daye's seasonal decaying, she says at multiple points in the book that she is the change of seasons. To prevent her changing forms is to keep her from being who she is.

"My winter form is me. My autumn form, my summer form, they're all me too. You don't get to decide I need to be fixed." Her voice cracked. "Rory, you don't get to choose only the me that's most comfortable for you and call it love."

But even before Rory goes that far, there are small signs that he is exerting his will and control over her. At first, like in an abusive relationship, they are little things, such as keeping Daye from signing by holding her hand (prior to her getting a voice) and therefore silencing her. And then, we see these little things grow and pile on top of each other and escalate before it tips over the edge into the moment that he is clearly fully abusive. As with abusers, Rory slowly nudges, creates, and manipulates Daye into the Daye that he wants, not the person that she is.

Daye made to get up. Rory stopped her with a hand. "Please, can you just give it a chance?" He looked into her eyes. Whatever he saw in them made him pause. He swallowed. Licked his lips. Swallowed again. His next words were phrased too carefully to be an accident. "Please, I really want you to give it a shot. It would mean a lot to me. Give it a chance for me, okay?"

Daye closed her eyes. Now the ground was falling beneath her, away, away, away.

"Okay." The word was carved out of her, leaving jagged edges as it came out. A gap where once there wasn't one. All at once, Daye felt exposed. Exposed, and very, very cold.

Before that moment, there had been a denial between the two of them that Rory knew that Daye had to do what he said. After this, the pretending is completely gone. There's no cartoonishly evil moment or villain-like mustache twirling. It's just the quiet removal of everything that had previously kept Rory from fully exerting his will and control over Daye and Daye's realization that her previously innocent friendship with Rory had become something twisted and toxic. And that moment that she loses that innocence is fucking devastating.

The thing is that Rory never raises a hand to Daye or even yells at her in a demeaning way. There are no "classic" signs of abuse in this story. But everything that Rory does is meant to shape and control Daye to his own liking. Rory's parents abandoned him (and his sister) when he was younger than 8 years old, and his entire life after that was an attempt to keep others from leaving him the same way, no matter what it takes. And it takes from Daye: Her voice (ironically, since Rory is also the one who gives her a physical voice), her will, and her freedom. Even the fact that Rory gave her a physical voice was against her will, as she had not asked for it and he did not ask before changing her body. Everything that Rory says later on in the book is meant to manipulate Daye's feelings. Every time he says that he loves her, or when he tells her just to try it "for him," or tells her he messed up, he is playing on her love for him.

"I messed up - I know I did. But it's done now. Please, don't be angry at me. I won't do anything like this again, okay? I love you. Let's not fight anymore."

But of course, he does it again and again.

The tragedy of this story also comes from the fact that their relationship starts out as the innocence of children. Daye and Rory played together for years before his need for control and obsession destroyed what they had. Rory let his insecurities control him, which led him to hurt the individual whom he professed to love. His insecurities lead to selfishness, cruelty, and a full denial of Daye's personhood in the way that many people who emotionally abuse others come from an insecure place that makes them feel like they need control. Additionally, he ignored all the warning signs coming from well-meaning others, convinced that he was doing what he was doing for the good of Daye, until the conversation that makes it clear that it's for him.

"You're forcing me and everything that lives on this land into a perpetual spring and your only reason is that you 'just need it'?" Her tone was becoming harsher and harsher, like tree bark. "That's not a good enough reason, Rory."

However, there is also hope in this story. Daye's journey from hesitancy to escape is incredibly realistic but also a breath of fresh air. She gathers social support around her in the form of birds, who help her avoid Rory and do what she needs to do in order to escape. She goes between despair and hope, and she ultimately takes her own future into her hands. But what I found the most striking and touched me the most was that despite everything, Daye found herself struggling to emotionally untether herself from Rory. This is such a common emotional reaction by abuse victims, and they often suffer guilt and shame from it, and I am so glad that the author wove that into this story because it is realistic.

On bad days, when the pain of Rory's absence flared up and she missed him so much it hurt and hated him so much she wanted to punch, to rend, to tear-

There can never be a clean break with emotional abuse, and that is the worst part of it. In an abusive relationship where there is physical violence (or even verbal violence), it is easy to point to that and say, "There, that's abuse." Emotional abuse is wrapped in "love," and it twists all of the victim's feelings up until it can't fully be untangled anymore. Love doesn't have a true meaning at this point, because it's tied up in fear and sadness and grief. Even when Daye is getting ready to escape, she grieves the Rory she knew and the relationship they had, despite everything.

In Daye's mind, the rustle of feathers became interchangeable with the sound of tethers snapping: Her tethers to spring, to this land, to the ground. Her tethers to Rory, one by one. Daye wove, and as she wove, tears started sliding down her face, for the first time. This is grief, she thought as she cried. This is what grief feels like.

It may be obvious from the way that I wrote this review, but I have experienced emotional abuse, both parentally and within a relationship. The way that this author uses this story as a way to illustrate the assiduous nature of emotional abuse and manipulation was so well done, and it brought back the dread I felt within that relationship, when I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells around my girlfriend at the time. In the same way that Rory used magical words to control Daye, I was controlled by the words that my girlfriend chose to use to guilt me into doing what she wanted, so I fully understood and empathized with every emotional hit in this book.

Moving away from this topic, I felt that the author did an amazing job retelling the Welsh legend of the Blodeuwedd. In the original story, the Blodeuwedd is punished for infidelity by being turned into an owl, and there are owl statues and motifs everywhere throughout this story. The way that Daye escapes also parallels the original ending - but where the original ending is a punishment, this book turns it into a means of freedom. The writing was also beautiful, especially the way that the seasons and nature are described throughout the book. This story is bursting with color, from the meadows to the sun to the flowers.

This is hard book to read. The author does not shy away from the reality of what emotional abuse and toxic relationships are like, which is why, bringing it back to the first sentence of this review: I liked the book, but did not enjoy it. (Kudos if you made it all the way to the end of this review, by the way!) But if you can get through this book, it is also about recognizing that abuse, finding hope, and ultimately breaking free and saving oneself.